


'till death do us part

by av_versiera



Series: 'till death do us part (senju tobirama/reader, you) [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: But kinda Canon Compliant, F/M, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Smut, Honeymoon, Marriage, Not Canon Compliant, References to Depression, Romance, Sibling problems, bc what is a timeline lmao, mentions of gambling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:40:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 26,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28186281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/av_versiera/pseuds/av_versiera
Summary: From Madara leaving to Tobirama stepping up to be the Second Hokage, you promised to stand by the man you married.
Relationships: Senju Tobirama/Original Female Character(s), Senju Tobirama/Reader
Series: 'till death do us part (senju tobirama/reader, you) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1970128
Comments: 28
Kudos: 50





	1. Allegiances

**Author's Note:**

> lol me & summaries sometimes just don't get along.... enjoy ! (will come back to re-write it when i find a better way to summarize LOLS)

If someone were to tell your past self that in the near future, you will end up betrothed to the second Senju brother, you might have laughed at their face and patted the person on their back for the effort of making such a joke. There is _no_ way that socially inept bastard had managed to woo you and make you fall for him. Sure, you can be flirtatious and you think you can get anyone with your vibrant charms. 

But to have one of the founding fathers of the very village you reside in fall for you, and you, to reciprocate. There was just _no_ way. 

However, that is your reality now. Here you are, wearing his ring, his promise to you that he will be your companion for the rest of your life. You now have someone who will fight for you just as hard as you will fight for them. You have dreamt of a place to accept and love you, and you have found it in him.

You have broken the news to Madara first, as he is a good friend of yours, but his reaction was not something you expected. He fell into silence, instead of making fun of you and badmouthing your Senju fiance. That would have been the Madara you knew. 

  
  


“Are you happy with him?” Madara asks, his eyes narrowed and somber towards the horizon. He finally breaks his silence after you bring him the news of your engagement. 

You look towards the horizon as well, trying to determine what Madara is trying to find. You sigh, not liking this Madara, who seems to be dead set on accomplishing whatever he is conjuring up in his mind. You know that he and the Shodaime Hokage have been at odds these days, and with Tobirama, the man you are now betrothed to, being in the middle of the disagreements, a middle ground will not be reached, unless it will benefit the village above all under his terms. 

You are not privy to what they have been arguing about, though you are sure that it has been about the Hokage seat or their differing opinions of peace. Many years have passed since the village has been established and with it, its leader, but it does not mean that it has been spared by power plays, especially when the village houses many prominent clans. Though, this has been foreseen by Tobirama, since the village is still young. 

As observant as you are, you try to catch what Madara is thinking about, but the friend and mentor you have known for a long time is gone, and before you, is a stranger. He seems to brood even more than the man you intend to marry. 

  
  


Instead, you let his question hang in the air. 

“You deserve better you know,” Madara reminds you for the hundredth time. 

“I am happy with him,” you tell him sincerely. “I wouldn’t have said yes.” 

Madara cracks a small, strained smile at that. “Really? You are smart, considering that marrying into the Senju clan will make sure that you live a prestigious and a comfortable life.” 

Your face heats up. “Madara, you know that I love him.” You confess and you look down at your sandals which are becoming increasingly more interesting than anything else. “More than I like to admit.”

  
  


Madara nods, his face suddenly back to its calculating mask. “Is it too late to change your mind?” His voice is cold and distant, and it makes your stomach curl. "I could show you a whole different world, one where dreams can run wild without pain." 

You roll your eyes and try for a more light-hearted tone, but it is clear that there is no salvaging this conversation. “My husband-to-be may be a prick, but I know where I stand, heart and mind-wise.” Your forehead wrinkles, still processing what he had just said to you. "I have everything I need and could ever want."

Madara seems to be disappointed after hearing this from you, but you cannot pinpoint why. You wish that he can just come clean, and you want to reassure him that you will not judge him, but so much time has passed. Whatever Madara has decided, he is determined to follow through it. 

So you let it be. You let him go. 

  
  


“Congratulations. Be happy,” Madara tells you, and he leaves you, just as the sun dips low into the horizon to sleep. “Though you have to remember that you can no longer stay impartial to any sides with him. You side with him, and you are now against me.”

You turn around to watch him go, and you do not call out to him. You ignore the prick of hurt in your heart from watching his back fade into the shadows.

You never got to say goodbye. 

  
  


//

  
  


The days following Madara’s defection were a blur. You are aware of Tobirama hounding around his brother more than usual, and the sudden loss of the Uchiha clan’s leader has the village in uproar. You are left to your own thoughts, replaying your last conversation with Madara and trying to figure out if you could have stopped him, but you knew deep in your heart that Madara is gone, and that whatever you could have said that night would not change a thing. 

  
  


You also keep busy with your Genin team, training them so that they can survive the upcoming Chuunin exams. You spar with them, and hone their teamwork until the end of the day, when you have made sure you have tired them out for good. Tomorrow will be the same, but you find yourself unable to look forward to it. Everything has become a chore, even teaching, which you thoroughly enjoy. 

You feel sorry to your students, but you vow to shake off this stupor by tomorrow. These children deserve better. 

  
  


“Go home and rest,” you tell them as the four of you walk out the training ground. “Eat lots of breakfast. Don’t skip it.” 

Miura Mieko glances at you, a silly grin on her face despite her fatigue. “Congratulations on your engagement to Lord Tobirama, sensei.” 

The other two, Kai and Taiyo, glanced at each other in surprise. 

  
  


You pretend to frown at Mieko. “Wherever did you hear that?” 

Mieko giggles and elbows you in a friendly way. You let her, since you are not really the formal kind of sensei. “Oh come on, sensei! It’s so obvious! You have a ring! And you two have been making eyes at each other for a while now.” 

  
  


You roll your eyes, unable to help the blush creeping up your neck. “Eh…” 

The three of them offer more enthusiastic congratulations and harmless threats to invite them to your wedding, and when you finally accept and promise to have them attend, your students leave you alone. 

It did not occur to you how much you immediately needed the noise and the distraction until you are alone with your thoughts, and the sky is darkening, reminding you of Madara and his dark, pensive eyes. You tell yourself that his defection is not your fault, that there are other problems surrounding him that pushed him to his decision, though it feels like you had a hand in it.

“You let your students talk to you like that?” A familiar, rough voice interrupts your thoughts and you look up to find just the man you have been longing for the past several days. 

  
  


Tobirama’s red eyes scan your face, and you stop in front of him, exactly two steps away. 

You watch his face, trying to reconcile your feelings of your adoration for him and your slight resentment for his politics. You are not unaware of his sentiments towards the Uchiha clan, and a part of you has been wondering whether he had the hand that pushed Madara to his decision. However, this can be easily cleared up through communication. 

  
  


Tobirama’s eyes narrow slightly, cluing you in that he knows what you are thinking. “If you are wondering, I did not force Madara to leave. He made that decision himself.” 

“He was my friend and my mentor,” you say, biting your lip. 

Tobirama nods. “I know.” 

You make out the tired lines on his face, and you smile softly. You also know another person who also considers Madara as his friend. “How is your brother?” 

Tobirama presses his lips together for a moment, and then he sighs tiredly. “He did not take it well. He is in a very depressed state. He blames me.” 

  
  


You close the distance between the two of you, and Tobirama almost flinches, but when you take his hand to hold it in yours, he freezes, unsure of what to do. 

You wait for his response, and your patience is rewarded by a tender squeeze. 

  
  


“What about you?” You murmur. “I worry about you.” 

“I am alright,” he replies evenly, but you know him enough that he is not what he claims to be. His shoulders droop, and his eyes are stormy–a sign of his racing mind. 

Slowly, so that he can see, you put your hand on his cheek and trace the red stripe that he had tattooed there in his youth with your thumb. “What are you going to do now?”

Tobirama leans into your touch, and your heart warms at the sight. “Make sure that the village survives this...that my brother gets over it.” 

  
  


“You know that I am with you, right?” You remind him. “Whatever it is you do, I will back you up.” 

Tobirama gives you a small smile, one that lightens up the dark expression of his face. "I am relieved to know that. I know that it is hard for you as well." 

  
  


The night finally settles, and the two of you begin to walk to the direction of your apartment. In your silence, you catch glimpses of Tobirama’s face, and you sense that, as always, there is a lot going on in his mind that he can barely speak of. It took years to get closer to him like this, but you are not a mind reader. 

You have a feeling that this is a lot harder on him, as he sees himself responsible for his brother. Not only does his brother blame him, he also does to himself. 

Once the two of you get settled in the warmth of your home, Tobirama silently prepares a simple dinner and tea, while you clean yourself up from the day’s work. You hear him move about, and despite your heavy heart, you cannot help imagine that this will be your life with him soon, and that the two of you will be under one roof. 

Fresh and newly showered, you watch him set up the dining table. Your eyes wander from his broad shoulders and to his rolled up sleeves, and when he catches you looking, you make a beeline towards a chair without making any more eye contact. 

  
  


“So,” you begin awkwardly. 

“So,” Tobirama repeats. Then, he sighs and rakes his hand through his hair. He sets down a plate in front of you and walks towards your window. “Did you know that my brother was going to make Madara the Hokage when this village was first established?” 

  
  


You cross your legs and pick up a piece of his cooking. “No.” 

“I objected,” Tobirama continues and he started to pace, his demeanor agitated. “And instead, pushed for my brother to be the Shodaime.” 

“And then?”

“My brother wants Madara to be his successor, and I objected again.” Tobirama stops and he stares at his feet. “I did not force Madara to leave, but I may have played into his decision...but this village will not last if Madara is to rule. He is power-hungry, and he will destroy what we built here. No man with his eyes rooted from the power of strong emotions can ever be Hokage.” 

You turn away from Tobirama and you close your eyes. You hear Madara’s words to you before he has left, and you realize that they ring true. 

  
  


“You may not see it, but Madara is filled with hatred. I will always make decisions that are best for the village, and while I do admit I have been hard on the Uchiha clan, I never once wanted to drive him away from the village. Besides, I do want them in the village, and want them to utilize their abilities so that it benefits it.” 

“I know my ways have not been agreeable, even to my brother,” Tobirama trails off. “And I am not exactly clean here, either. I did kill Madara’s last brother. If you are angry at me or if you want to blame me, it is okay.” 

  
  


You put down your utensils and you walk towards him. You do not care much for politics, but as Madara had told you before, you can no longer stay impartial to any sides as long as you stand with the Senju, and that means the village as well. Madara is no longer part of the village, and though you wished that he had stayed and worked out his differences with Hashirama and Tobirama, the simplest wishes are sometimes the hardest to make come true. 

“Madara will always be my friend,” you tell Tobirama. “But I do not doubt your intentions for our village. We promised to do everything in our power to keep it safe.”

  
  


Tobirama watches you, hesitant to come closer. 

“I do not resent you, if that is what you’re thinking.” Your lips curve up to show that you mean it. “If you are looking for ways to make me turn away from you, then you will have to try harder than that.” 

  
  


Tobirama releases a breath that you know he has been holding. 

“Is that why you’re trying to explain yourself to me this way?” You question, raising an eyebrow. “By telling me you are a killer?” You lower your voice. “Tobirama, who isn’t a killer here? Even I have shed blood.” 

  
  


Tobirama flinches when you put your hands on his face. He looks down, but you catch his gaze as quickly as he evades you. 

  
  


“You were at war, and now there is peace,” you tell him. “I know you feel responsibility for your brother’s feelings.”

“He hates me.”

“He will never hate you. You are his brother and his trusted advisor.” 

  
  


Tobirama’s forehead wrinkles. 

"Just because your brother is mad at you, does not mean you have to make me mad at you too. Stop trying to make the people around you hate you." 

"That may be the only way to do things around here. It makes the hardest decisions easier to carry."

  
  


"Stop," you plead with him. "Tobirama, I do not blame you." 

“Why?” Tobirama queries, his eyebrows raising in suspicion. “I do not believe that you are agreeing with me just because we are to be wedded.” 

You drop your hands from his face and take a deep breath. “Because I knew him. Because I knew that Madara had made his resolve that night. He said goodbye to me on the night he left.” 

Tobirama peers at the window and stares at the moon hanging low above the village rooftops. “For what it is worth, I really did not know he intended to leave.” 

You hear the tone of apology in his voice, and that is as good as it gets. “Me too.” 

  
  


You share a moment of silence, letting your conversation change its course. You are relieved that you two manage to talk out your feelings and find that your point of views are quite similar, but you are aware that there are other things on Tobirama’s mind. You know that he cares a lot more than he lets on, and you can only wait and see what he does to show it. 

You do not blame him, because you still feel guilty towards Madara, for not taking the time to know what he meant to do, or to ask what he was thinking. 

Tobirama clears his throat, and you turn your head towards him. “It will only get harder with me, from here on out. I would like you to be by my side, but you must be aware that there are difficulties packaged alongside my presence.” 

“You underestimate me too much, Senju Tobirama,” you smirk. “I am quite tired of that.” 

“You can still walk away,” Tobirama’s face schools into a more neutral expression, but you know that this is him preparing for any kind of rejection from you.

  
  


You place your hand on his arm and squeeze it gently. “There is no place I would rather be other than to be by your side.” 

Tobirama's breath catches and he looks away from your gaze. The tips of his ears are pink, indicating that he has grown shy. It is not like your answer will be different, but sometimes, Tobirama has a tendency to think that he does not deserve to receive any affection from you. He usually inches away when you have taken a step closer, never certain how to react. Here is a man who has made so many decisions without as much as a blink of an eye, but he becomes flustered in front of you and gets surprised when you offer him your hand, or kiss his cheek. 

"What?" Tobirama grunts out, sounding irritated than he means to be. 

You duck your head away to hide your smile. "Nothing." 

Tobirama sighs. "You're making fun of me."

"How do you know? You're not a mind-reader."

"Yes, but I can usually deduce what a person is thinking." Tobirama crosses his arms and he scowls. "Stop taking my confessions lightly. You have already laughed at me when I asked for your hand. Do you intend to laugh at me at the altar when we are about to be wedded?"

You giggle. "What are you so wind up for?" You lean closer into his space, and the smirk fades from your mouth. Your eyes narrow, and in an act of courage, you grab his collar to pull him closer to your face. 

Tobirama's eyes widen for a fraction, and then they harden immediately. His jaw tightens, and his shoulders tenses up. "Stop being ridiculous."

However, Tobirama does not pull away. He stays still, and the rest of his body flexes tightly in order to hold his current position of towering over you.

"But we haven't even gotten to the best part yet," you murmur, and you feel yourself drawn towards his lips. "You cannot even gain an inch when I become serious."

Even though you had the confidence to act this way, you cannot help but feel your heartbeat in your fingertips. The anticipation of his next move makes you light-headed, and again, you wait patiently. 

"That is because you never let me," Tobirama surrounds an arm around your waist and embraces you against his body. 

You reach for the elegant arch of his eyebrow and gingerly trace it with a smile, and then, you meet his eyes to hold his gaze. 

If someone were to tell you that the man before you was the one who won your heart, you would have gotten a kick out of that, but here is your reality. Despite your disagreements from time to time, the both of you had always prized the village more than anything, and you trust that Tobirama’s will is in a good place. 

Madara may have been right about one thing, but you see a great man who has the ability to make dreams happen, who will stop at nothing to ensure that there are fallbacks to setbacks, who does as he says because he has weighed every possible outcome that can go wrong. 

He is the man who has made your dreams come true and has shown up time after time to prove that he is there to hold up his promises. Of course, you have chosen him, and you do not see yourself changing your mind. 


	2. Union

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there are many preparations to make for the wedding, and Tobirama has a hard time keeping his brother in check.

_ Eight months later… _

Because for some reasons beyond your understanding, you are not allowed to see Tobirama days prior to the wedding. It is in accordance with the Senju clan traditions, and while you are very happy to adapt to their customs and whatnot, this part seems so absurd to you. You are really beginning to miss that scowling face of your betrothed, and you have not even married yet. 

Then again, maybe this is why such a tradition exists. Time and distance do make the heart grow fonder.

All you can do is busy yourself with teaching kenjutsu at the Academy part-time, more reading and bride preparations with Mito, and advising your newly Chunin students, since you cannot run missions with them while you wait to be married. The three of them seem to enjoy their newfound autonomy from you, and while you worry for them, you are glad that they are learning to be on their own. 

  
  


Fortunately, you had found a friend in your future sister-in-law, Uzumaki Mito. 

While she can be firm and strict, you find that you can easily open up to her and even joke around with her, as you tend to do to diffuse any negative feelings in the air. You couldn’t help it. Humor is always a comforting fallback when everything feels bleak. 

"Are you alright?" Mito asks, as she helps you fit into your wedding robes. "You seem preoccupied." 

You shrug. "I guess I am nervous." 

Mito smiles and brushes your hair aside. "I'm sure he is, too." 

  
  


"Did you also go through these traditions?" 

Mito tampers down a smile. "Not all of them. You are kind of the first big event for the family in a while. Even my eldest son did not get such grandeur for his wedding." 

You raise an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Hashirama insists on throwing you and Tobirama a huge celebration, and well, back then, we were at war. I was married young, and my focus was on helping my husband, the tailed-beasts, our young village and alliances. And raising our firstborn son." 

"Sounds like a full plate." 

  
  


Mito chuckles. "It was." 

You let out a small, nervous laugh. "I hope I am not letting you all down or anything. I did not live in the same circumstances. I couldn't possibly relate." 

"Oh, how preposterous. We are happy that you are marrying into our family. You need not to worry." 

  
  


You smile discreetly, touched by Mito’s words. "I am flattered, thank you." 

Mito turns you around by the shoulders and studies you. "Please take care of Tobirama. You know how he is." 

  
  


Mito hums and meets your eyes, back to her serious self. "Now, would you like your hair up or down?" 

  
  


//

  
  


When Hashirama is not attending to his Hokage duties or taking care of his family, he is nowhere to be found except in places where his vices are exacerbated. If no one is there to keep him in line, he passes his time by getting inebriated wherein he can barely put one foot in front of the other, or his new favorite past-time: gambling. 

Tobirama, as much as he has refined his sensory skills, cannot find his elder brother. 

Which means that he really does not want to be found. 

However, he always knows where Hashirama will end up. He just has to follow the paper trail of new debt and hearsays from the common folk that are now residing in the village. 

Tobirama is not angry, but he is frustrated that his brother refuses to get his act together. It has been months, and the year is almost about to end but his brother is still caught up with Madara’s desertion, and it is hindering his job as Hokage. Tobirama can only do so much to support his elder brother, and while he will never give up on him, the job gets challenging when he has to be there to guard his brother’s decisions and thoughts. 

Tobirama will let him wallow in his grief, but he cannot allow him to sabotage the very village that he had dreamt of establishing. 

  
  


This was his dream, and Tobirama has sought to make sure that it will stand for the future generations to come. 

It does not help that Hashirama keeps throwing money on him to ensure that his wedding is a huge spectacle in the village. He would have liked it to be a small family affair, but Tobirama just wants to do whatever he can to make his brother feel better. The truth is, Hashirama is a pretty good gambler, but as always, he takes uncalculated risks that empties his pockets at the end of the night. When he does not want to quit, he ends up taking from their clan’s money and the village’s coiffers.

Tobirama has no choice but to keep reprimanding him, and while it is one of his many specialties, it is not easy to do so. He understands so well that his brother is hurting that it frustrates him to no end. 

Mostly because he has no remedy for this but time. A concept that he continuously battles with. 

  
  


It is nearing midnight, and Tobirama still has not found his brother. He wishes to converse with him, especially now that he is about to delve into another chapter of his life, but their brotherly talks have been scarce, and sometimes Tobirama can still sense that Hashirama still holds a small amount of resentment towards him. 

Tobirama cannot really blame him. What he feels most guilty of, is that he is, to put it simply, happy and if he goes on his merry way, what will become of his brother? How is he in a better place when his own blood is suffering? 

It is not fair. 

  
  


Tobirama wants to help him, wants to fix it all to make it better, because that is who he is. He is the one who has the solutions and the formulas and the theories. He is supposed to be the one to look out for his brother, to take care of him because this has been the way things were since they were little. He is supposed to make sure that Hashirama has a reasonable voice beside him. He wishes he knows what to do in order to comfort him, or maybe he just wants to be forgiven and hear those words from him. 

  
  


Despite the lateness of the night, the streets are quite energetic and bright. There are still many people milling around, some rowdy and some enjoying the activities that the night can only bring out. 

Tobirama passes by a few active stores, and he tries to shut out the overwhelming smells and noises and the icky feeling on his skin that appears when he is in a crowded place, or when he is particularly in overdrive mode. He is glad that he is wearing his long, tight-fitted clothes, or he would have screamed if someone accidentally brushes past him. 

Well, as loud as a stubborn person like him can scream. 

  
  


Tobirama takes a deep breath and he concentrates so that he can try again. He infuses his chakra, and starts to expand his scope, little by little, and examines the chakra signatures around him. He breaks them down, like he might a puzzle or a new object he has discovered and he holds them up for observation. He looks to the places where no one might go, listens in to spaces where no one can be heard. 

The rest of the physical world falls away, and he connects himself to every temperamental presence surrounding him. Even those who can disappear does not mean they are completely invisible. 

He feels the whole village in him, can count those who are sleeping and those who are still awake. He senses you as he is drawn to you like a moth to a flame, and his heart releases a tender breath, a fact that he will keep hidden from you and anyone else. 

He keeps going.

  
  


Then, Tobirama catches a blinding presence and he zeroes in like a hawk. 

  
  


His eyes go towards the Hokage mountain, where his brother’s face is carved like a watchful god. He lets out a hefty sigh and takes to the rooftops to get to where his brother is. 

  
  


He arrives silently, and makes himself as quiet and small as possible. He hides in the shadows, and he glances at his elder brother, who is sitting on the ground and staring at the distance. The gentle breeze that passes without a pattern picks up strands of his hair and carries it along the way, for however long the breeze blows. 

The night engulfs them like a blanket, and Tobirama waits on his elder brother, for as long as it takes. 

  
  


//

  
  


Things begin to look up two days before the wedding. 

However, Tobirama is a mess. More than his usual mess. 

  
  


“Brother, you are getting married in a couple of days,” Hashirama chides, purposely messing up Tobirama’s weapons and the supplies he is trying to pack. “This is no time for a mission.”

Tobirama presses his lips together into a grim, tight line. He still keeps moving around, eyes focused on his task and trying his hardest not to explode at his brother. 

  
  


“I am not going on a mission,” Tobirama looks down at his hands, which are trembling slightly. Then, he gives his brother a pointed look. 

“Then, why all this fuss?” Hashirama raises a kind eyebrow. 

  
  


Tobirama keeps mum, and he glares at the mess his elder brother made. He was only trying to organize his things into one place so that he will know where to find them when he has moved into his newly-wed house. 

"These are for the new house, so I won't lose them," Tobirama sighs and his forehead knits. "Elder brother…"

Hashirama clasps his younger brother’s shoulders and steadies him. He tries to meet his gaze, but Tobirama’s eyes are somewhere else, and he looks to see that they are apprehensive, not because he does not want to marry this woman that he had courted despite his restrictions on himself, but because he is uncertain of what is to come. Tobirama never likes uncertainty. This is not like those battles he had fought that were full of surprises. At least he would know how to act and adapt. 

Whereas, now. 

“I do not have much to give her,” Tobirama confesses quietly, looking down at his feet. 

  
  


Hashirama’s face morphs into surprise. While it is not strange for Tobirama to confide with him, this catches him off guard since Tobirama is opening himself up to him with his doubts. 

"Are you nervous?" Hashirama asks. 

  
  


Tobirama glares at his brother as if asking him such a question is a crime. 

  
  


Hashirama’s face softens and he looks towards the opened shoji doors. He takes a few seconds to answer, taking his time to look at the night sky that blanketed the village they founded with blood, sweat and tears. 

  
  


"You can protect her, provide to her a home...a family."

Tobirama takes his hand to clutch the other hand and keep it from shaking. Sometimes, when he is not in battle, his hands shake randomly. Sometimes, it is aggravated by his inability to manage his emotions.

For someone who teaches and practices the ways of controlling emotions, there are just times when it comes out like water leaking out of a dam with several holes. Tape one shut and another appears. 

  
  


"Besides, she agreed to marry you. She might have seen something past your handsome face.” 

Tobirama rolls his eyes. "Elder brother, stop it." 

  
  


Hashirama bursts out laughing, and Tobirama smiles despite himself. It has been a while since they shared a laugh. 

  
  


"Do not worry," Hashirama reassures him and reaches for his shoulder. “Just be happy, brother.” 

  
  


Tobirama blinks. Happiness is so tangible, yet a matter he never tried to pursue. After all, what happiness can he strive for when he is at war? Then again, things have been relatively peaceful. Perhaps, he can try. As much as his sense of logic can let him. 

  
  


//

  
  


The day finally comes, that you will see the man you have been waiting for. It feels like you have not seen Tobirama in forever, and the longer the procession drags on, the more you grow impatient. You really miss the bastard, and you keep looking around just to get a glimpse of him and hurting your neck in the process because of the heavy headdress that you have allowed your hair to be subjected to. 

You and Tobirama are in the same house, preparing and waiting for the wedding to commence, and yet, he still feels so faraway. 

At this point, just seeing his hand might even light you on fire. 

You honestly cannot wait. 

  
  


Your heart thuds in anticipation, as you wait with Mito at the entrance of a hallway that you are supposed to walk through. You know that Tobirama is doing the same at the other side with his brother, and the two of you will meet in the middle, in front of the altar, and where the rest of the clan members and a select few are invited, waiting to witness the wedding. 

It has been agreed on that the wedding will be quiet, but the celebration will be a pompous one. However, the attention paid to the details are hard to miss. Your robes are white with gold stitches running up and down to make a few elegant cranes, no doubt commissioned from the best seamstresses in the village. The decorations are surreal, with colorful flowers lining your path, or curling up the posts holding, and from here, you can glimpse at the altar, which is situated under an arc of tree branches braided into one another. 

Small doves fly past your heads, signalling you to start walking. To your left, Tobirama also begins to walk, mirroring you. 

You synchronize your steps with him, and slowly, you are facing each other and walking towards each other. You finally meet him, and he is only a step away. 

Tobirama stares straight at you, his focus only on you. His face is as composed as he likes to present it, but his eyes are brimming with a storm. You meet them dead on, because come what may, you are like a rock, unmoving and powerful enough to break apart crashing waves. 

  
  


Two of Tobirama’s nephews come forward, bringing three cups of sake on each porcelain tray. The priest at the altar comes forward, wearing his ceremonial robes, and he begins to speak. 

  
  


Funny enough, most of it falls deaf to your ears until Tobirama is staring at you with disbelief, no doubt preparing to lecture you in your own private time.

Tobirama takes the first cup of sake meant for you and hands it to you, and you accept meekly. 

  
  


The priest holds out his hands towards the cup. “As you take a sip of this cup, do you promise to honor each other, to fight for one another and to be each other’s advocate?” 

“I do,” Tobirama says, his voice rings in the air, though he only said it in his strict and quiet tone. 

“I do.” 

And the two of you drink the cup. 

  
  


You take the second cup, as did Tobirama. 

“Do you promise to let go of your past in order to forge a new path for your future, to set aside differences and grow with each other, and learn to be compassionate and open to each other?” 

“I do.” 

  
  


“These last cups–” the priest gestures, and then he picks the last cups up. Then, he pours them between the ground between the two of you and hands them back to you. “–symbolizes you as individuals. Today, you are now one.” 

The priest re-fills the cups to the brim. 

  
  


“For as long as you are one, your cups shall never empty. Never will you walk alone again, and burden yourself with the throes of life on your own. You are man and wife, woman and husband, a union of equals as of this moment from now on.” 

  
  


You and Tobirama drink the last cup, and set it down on the trays. 

  
  


“Until death do you part,” the priest concludes. 

  
  


“Until death do us part,” Tobirama repeats, and you do the same. You stare into his eyes, completely enthralled. 

  
  


The priest takes Tobirama’s hand and yours, and he joins them. “Now, let each other in by letting your power flow through each other.” 

  
  


You close your eyes and gasp, as Tobirama’s chakra flows into your veins, and you feel him, in such an intimate way that you are moved to tears. Never had you let anyone inside you like this, not even those who are closest to you. Tobirama envelops you like kindled fire, and you are given a new sense of power. This must be what Mito had meant when she had said that she was able to give Hashirama more power. 

You do the same with Tobirama, and he grips your hand as he lets you in. 

  
  


Then, you open your eyes, completely energized. It is like you are seeing a whole new world. 

  
  


“It is finished,” the priest announces, and the audience, which you have forgotten about explodes with applause. 

  
  


//

The rest of the Senju clan follows you and your new husband to Hashirama’s house, where the celebration of your wedding will commence. The procession goes through and around the village, a procession worthy of the Shodaime Hokage's brother. People look on and cheer, some throw flowers, rice or beads, and children dance around the streets. Claps and sounds of joy erupt from every corner of the village, and your heart catches at your throat. 

Mito was right when she told you there wasn’t much to celebrate in their family in a while.  _ Your _ family now. 

Beside you in the carriage, Tobirama is not exactly stiff, but is not exactly relaxed either. It seems like he is expecting somebody to come jump at him any moment now, but he is not trying to make it obvious. You glance at him, debating whether you should grab his hand but there is no need to ponder anymore when you find his hand inching towards yours, and then winding his fingers through yours. 

You hear Tobirama sigh in relief, and you smile softly. Like in the wedding ceremony, you feel his chakra intertwine with yours and you close your eyes from the sensation. It is something so new but so familiar at the same time. You spend the rest of the ride in silence, and when the carriage stops, Tobirama gets off first, and then waits for you outside. 

As you begin to step down, he grabs you by the waist and lowers you to the ground. 

Pretty soon, the two of you are lost in the background music and the chatters of the people. It is a huge party, almost everyone is invited or passing through to get food and to congratulate the newlyweds. 

You get rid of your heavy headdresses and opt for a simple style that keeps the hair away from your face. You did not want to injure your neck any further.

You stick close to Tobirama, your  _ husband _ , knowing that if you leave his side, he will get very agitated or retreat into himself. 

_ Husband _ , you think with a smile. It is such a new word, but something that feels just right when you are near Tobirama. 

  
  


Even though it is also his day, he does not generally do well in huge, loud crowds. As a shinobi having a gift for sensory abilities, too many people in his space gets him overwhelmed too quickly, especially when he loosens up. You know that Tobirama is skilled and being around his brother who seems to have an endless reserve of chakra has honed his sensory skills, but there are too many incoming noises and smells and there are just too many colors and lights around him. 

  
  


"Let’s get out of here," you suggest to Tobirama. 

  
  


Tobirama glances around, hesitation clouding his features. "This party is for us." 

  
  


You hold back a smile. Of course, you know that he will commit to this event until the end, but you can sense his growing discomfort. 

  
  


You lean closer, and Tobirama stiffens, pulling his arms closer to his body. 

“You okay?” You ask. You reach out to his arm and you squeeze it. Your hand barely compares to his arm. 

Tobirama nods, but you know that he is only like this for you. You have learned long ago that his sincerity goes way beyond his words and that makes you fall in love with him even deeper. A long time ago, you would have never seen how considerate he is, but you have learned to look within. 

  
  


So, you do what you have to do. 

  
  


“Don’t we have to travel after this?” You continue, and then you smile. “I can hardly wait for you to take me on our wedding bed.”

Tobirama’s eyes widen in alarm and he looks around, clearly embarrassed. “Stop being ridiculous.” 

You raise an eyebrow, and you purposely make your voice louder. “So no taking me–”

Tobirama grabs your arm, and all the noise around you abruptly ends and the atmosphere quiets. 

Your husband slowly lets go of you, and you turn to him with a smile. 

“Eager, aren’t you?” You tease him. 

  
  


“You need to stop doing that,” Tobirama chastises, but you hear his embarrassment through his posturing annoyance. 

You grin cheekily, having accomplished your goal to get him to a much quieter place. You look around and you realize that you are inside the house that will be your new home after you return from your honeymoon. The house is still bare of what makes it a home for the two of you, since your things need to be moved here, but there are already furniture and ornaments around, probably a courtesy of Hashirama. He has been spending worrying amounts of money these days. 

  
  


You take a deep breath, and it dawns to you that you are really alone with Tobirama and you suddenly feel shy. The atmosphere between the two of you is not exactly awkward, but it seems like the both of you are out of words at the moment. 

  
  


“I do not know how to do this,” Tobirama murmurs quietly after a long time of looking anywhere but each other. 

You detect a slight quiver in his voice. 

You, being you, of course, in order to lift up the serious moment cracks a joke. “What? The consummation part?” You ask. “Contrary to popular belief, I also do not know how.”

  
  


Tobirama stares at you, unimpressed. 

  
  


You smile sheepishly and then you quiet down to let silence descend upon the two of you. Tobirama takes his time stringing his words together, and you watch his face, picking up on the subtle twitches and softening. 

“I will not be the best husband, nor be the best man for you,” Tobirama starts, his voice low and like velvet to your ears. “But I will do everything I can to protect you and to provide for you. I will do right by you, this I promise with all my life.” 

  
  


You press a hand on his chest, and you look up into his eyes. “And I promise that I will take care of you, and stand by your side even if the world turns on you. I will be there, no matter what.” 

Tobirama winds an arm around your waist and pulls you closer. Then he lifts you up, until you are sharing the same breath as him. He looks down at your lips, and you watch his pretty, white eyelashes flutter. 

“Until death do us part,” he murmurs so tenderly that it nearly melts your heart. 

You meet those sincere, red eyes. You notice how unguarded he looks. This is truly the first time you have seen him without any walls. It is quite rare, and you want to capture it in your mind forever.

“Until death do us part,” you say back to him, and you lean forward to steal his lips. 

  
  


Tobirama freezes momentarily, but he overcomes it and he returns the kiss, even more passionately than you began it. He seizes your waist and pulls you even closer up to him, and he deepens the kiss further. Your chest against his fight for the space to expand, but air is not a necessity when you are desperately breathing him in, pulling him even closer into you. 

You pull away, and Tobirama looks at you questioningly. He looks...almost soft. 

  
  


“Come on, let’s check out our bedroom,” you murmur and you tug on the front of his clothes. 

Tobirama looks away and he grips your waist. 

You grab his hand to lead him forward and Tobirama plants his feet to the ground like a child unwilling to get up when throwing a tantrum. 

  
  


“What?” You prompt, and Tobirama squeezes your hand. You look down at your joined hands and suppress a giggle. “We’re married now, aren’t we? We have to get to the  _ best _ part.” 

Tobirama glares at you. “Stop making fun of me.” 

  
  


“You signed up for it,” you retort. 

Tobirama looks peeved. “That’s fair.” 

  
  


“Now, come on,” you smile beguilingly, and when you drag him towards the direction of your new bedroom, he follows willingly. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOOOOOO MERRY CHRISTMAS.
> 
> as for the wedding, well, i combined sooo many elements of a wedding because well, i wanted it to be special and just kinda intimate lol anyways,, see you on the next chapter
> 
> thank you for reading <3


	3. Love Like You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which you and Tobirama get away from the village to travel and learn to be with each other.

In an even smaller space, you find it hard to speak. 

No one is here and therefore, there is simply no need to put up any kind of facade. 

  
  


The two of you are truly alone now, and for a moment, you both try to figure out how to be with each other in this way. After today, nothing will ever be the same for you and Tobirama. You are still trying to find your footing, and you can sense the same for your new husband because he is, for once, out of his wits. 

You sigh and let out a small laugh, and you step in front of Tobirama. You don’t mind taking the first step. 

  
  


“Help me out of my robes?” You request gently. 

You turn around, and you feel Tobirama’s fingers brush against your nape deftly. You reach up to take out the pins from your hair, but Tobirama beats you to it and he gently pulls the ornaments and let your hair fall down. He brushes them to one side of your shoulder, and then, his arms slide down to untie what is binding your waist. 

You let out a sigh as your body makes more room for you to breathe properly, and you pull apart your collar and push it back to your shoulders. Tobirama assists by pulling it back to expose your shoulders, and slowly, he lets it fall to the ground, surrounding you in a white, cascading circle. His warm hands grasp the sides of your arms, and slowly, he reaches for the front of your chest to start undoing the clothing that covers your upper torso. The last layer of your clothing falls away, and silently, Tobirama rests his rough and calloused hands against your waist, and he presses his forehead behind your shoulder. 

  
  


“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” you chuckle, and you pat his hands on your waist. Then, you entwine your fingers through his. “We can just take a bath, and then, sleep, and wake up tomorrow to be on our merry way.” 

Tobirama plants a chaste kiss against the back of your neck, taking his time, and leans forward to your ear.“I am inclined to take a mile from the inches you have left me,” he whispers. “ _Wife._ ” 

  
  


A shiver runs down your spine, one that makes all the blood rush down and pull into the center of your pleasure. You dig your nails against the skin of your waist, and you take a deep breath. You do not waste a second as you turn around, and Tobirama’s eyes widen a fraction as he sees you naked in front of him, then you watch them darken. 

“Good,” you say in a low voice, and you feel your skin burn, desperate for contact. “Don’t back down.” 

Tobirama swallows visibly, and in a swift manner, he pulls you closer against him. He meets your eyes, and you see that they look almost black, like blood from an oozing vein. Gracefully, he lowers you to the bed, never once breaking eye contact. You feel the sheets ruffle under you and you watch as Tobirama leans back to take off his clothes. The moonlight filtering through the windows shines on his pale skin, highlighting the ridges and dips of his hard-earned muscles from many battles. You notice faded scars and some recent ones, some brown and some paler than his skin, all varying in degrees of how deep they are. 

  
  


Your husband is broad, but underneath all his clothes, he is also quite lean and disproportioned from his many days of forgoing food when he is subjected to his moods of reclusion and manic overworking. 

  
  


After getting rid of all his clothes, you study each other, both shy but full of dare to get closer. His eyes go over your breasts, and you see his neck flush red. 

However, he does not look away, and his eyes travel lower and lower. 

  
  


Experimentally, he puts a hand on your thigh and pushes it back to spread your legs apart. You look down at the sight, seeing that he is half-aroused already. 

  
  


“Are you just going to stare at me? Or are you going to come here and kiss me?" 

"Funnily enough, that is not the worst thing you have said tonight," Tobirama deadpans. 

You raise an eyebrow. "What is it going to be, Senju Tobirama?" 

  
  


Tobirama leans over and covers your body with his. He props himself with his arms, using them to frame your head. Your legs automatically wrap around his waist and you close your eyes with a sigh as his skin and his body weight presses against yours. 

You feel his cock pressing against your thigh, already heavy and hard. 

You couldn’t help but moan when he kisses you, and when he pulls back to study your face, you pull him forward again and deepen the kiss. Your hands go down his back, pressing your palms against his rippling muscles. 

  
  


You sigh through the kisses, each deepened kiss leaving you heaving for breaths and your blood growing hot. Underneath your touch, Tobirama is no longer tense. One of his hands is starting to roam, from squeezing your breast to make you moan, kneading your waist to make you more pliant, and then finally resting in between on the inside of your thigh. 

Your eyes swim as you stare at his face, and you feel a nervousness you have not felt before. 

  
  


“Are you alright?” Tobirama softly asks. His breath fans over your cheek and you close your eyes. 

“I’m scared,” you tell him honestly. 

“Okay,” Tobirama plants a kiss on your chin. “Leave it to me.” 

“Do you know what you’re doing?” You ask, putting a hand on the back of his shoulder. 

“I’ve studied on it,” Tobirama smirks. “We have all night to put them all to test.” 

  
  


You open your legs wider, trusting him. There is a shadow of a smile on Tobirama’s features, and you observe, curious about what other expressions he will express towards you. You feel his finger brush against the lips of your pussy, rubbing against it until he delves into the folds. You let out a gasp as he takes his now wet fingers and circles your clit, slowly, experimentally. You shiver at the sensation, and a pleasant tingle rivets through your body. 

Your sighs come out involuntarily, and the heat of a blush travels from your neck and down. Tobirama’s eyebrows are furrowed in concentration, putting pressure and quickening his speed as he works you, and you are arching towards him, desperate for more contact as the feeling builds. You cover your mouth as lewd moans escape from your lips, and suddenly, something bursts from inside you and your body tightens and your movements become erratic. Your body surrenders itself to your orgasm. 

  
  


Your husband’s eyes are bright, and he looks almost so handsomely ruined, and you submit to his gaze and you completely break open. Your body aches–no it cries to be marked by him, and you waste no time demanding for the primal need to be satiated. 

  
  


Tobirama holds your hip securely, and with his other hand, he guides his own length to your entrance and he pushes in. He massages your waist, coaxing you to be more pliant, and you take deep breaths as you feel yourself expand to take him in. Tears cloud your vision, and then Tobirama is sheathed inside you. There is pain, and then there is sweetness, the heady scent of arousal in the air making you dizzy. 

You watch as Tobirama’s ribs finally expand out to take in air, and you reach for him with familiarity. He comes to you, and he seeks out your hidden places, exploring them with his rough and battle-worn hands, with the way his swollen lips bloom over your flushed skin. 

Then you move together in tandem, learning to be each other’s comfort and pleasure. 

Tobirama, you realize, is not a vocal lover, with his quiet grunts and his low growls and his silent gasps of air, but his love-making is passionate, and very tender. He claims you, and he looks at you as if he has never beheld someone like this, and maybe that is true. His thrusts are strong and rapacious, and he drinks you in, never tiring.

  
  


You let out a strangled cry, as the two of you pick up speed and chase after the peak of pleasure. You press kisses on his shoulder and collarbones, marking him as he did you, and you use his shoulders as your anchor, as your mind completely blanks as you finish. 

Not long after you, Tobirama pulls out, and he comes with a gasp, and you feel his hot seed on the inside of your thigh. 

His body is on you and he scoops you into his arms to lie down on the bed. His legs tangle with yours, and your back presses against his chest fittedly. 

You reach for his scars on his arms, and your fingers go over them gently, and you press your warm palms on them, accepting them as is. Then, you cross your fingers with his, and before you know it, the lull of his steady heartbeat leads you to sleep.

  
  


//

Tobirama wakes up just short of dawn, and the scenes of the night before plays back in his mind. Your head rests against his arm, and he turns to your sleeping form, and watches the way your ribs spreads outwards as you breathe in your sleep, the way the shadows look blue upon your skin, and the way your hair splays over his pale arm like streaks of paint on a blank canvass. 

It is a different view than he is accustomed to. Though he has watched you in your sleep before, he has never stuck around for long since there are other things pulling his attention. Now, he is your husband and this will be what will greet him in the mornings to come. 

  
  


In his curiosity, he reaches over and scratches the back of your ear. He smiles secretly when you swat his hand away, and settles for resting his hand on your waist. 

For once, he is not in a hurry and he is content to stay beside you, preserving your warmth until the sun is up. 

  
  


He tries to move away when he feels you stir beside him, and he even tries to pull his arm away and feign sleeping, but you turn to him quickly with a hazy smile that he just froze. It does not help that he is frowning, but he really isn’t. He was stuck trying to make ten decisions all at once. 

“Did you sleep?” You ask him. 

Tobirama’s eyes go to your forehead, then your eyes, nose, lips. “Yes,” he answers gruffly. 

  
  


You chuckle and you edge closer to him. “For someone who just got laid, you are awfully grumpy.” You kiss him quickly on the chin. “You are no fun, old man.” 

  
  


Tobirama peers at you. “Well, we better do it more then.” 

You fake gasp and look at him amusedly. “Wow, I was wrong. _You_ , my husband, are a changed man.” 

  
  


Tobirama smirks, and he rolls you to your back. “I’d like to be right every now and then.”

You roll your eyes and wrap your arms around his neck. “ _Liar_.” 

Tobirama shuts you up with a kiss, and the two of you spend the rest of the early morning until daybreak copulating to your heart’s content. 

  
  


//

  
  


“What are all these?” You ask as you spot the engawa littered with all kinds of gifts. You bend down and take one for yourself, noticing that it is addressed to you and Tobirama. 

  
  


Tobirama steps out, completely dressed in a simple travel garment. His hair is hastily brushed back, revealing his strong forehead, and on his back, he carries a satchel, no doubt packed with summoning scrolls for your needs instead of packing like a normal human being. He slips his feet into his sandals and he walks out into the engawa, proud and tall, as if he wasn’t a mess just twenty minutes ago. 

“Gifts,” Tobirama replies. 

You roll your eyes. Here he goes again, with his matter of fact statements about the obvious. Is this his idea of humor? 

  
  


“Wow, it’s like I don’t have eyes!” You exclaim sarcastically. 

Tobirama raises an eyebrow, almost mockingly. “Well, you didn’t have to ask,” he deadpans. 

  
  


“Aren’t the two of you getting along so well?” The voice of Hashirama muses as he comes up the path to your house. “So chirpy at such an early hour of morning.” 

Tobirama clears his throat and he assumes a more respectful pose. “Elder brother,” he greets. 

Hashirama smiles widely at his brother and then at you. “Everything went well? I was going to visit last night but you know, I heard–”

  
  


“Brother!” Tobirama snaps, and he scowls, his lips forming into a subtle pout. 

You duck your head and chuckle. Tobirama always seems so animated when he’s around family, especially his brother. “Lord Shodaime, thank you for your visit. How can we help you?” 

Hashirama chuckles wholeheartedly. “I am here to talk to my brother and see the two of you on your travels.” 

  
  


You look at your husband, and then you take his stuff with you. “I will give you two some privacy.” 

Tobirama nods, and he watches you walk towards the gate of the house. He turns to his brother and he meets his eyes seriously, but he finds that there is forgiveness and reassurance in his brother’s gaze. 

  
  


//

  
  


The farther the two of you got from the village, the lighter the expression on Tobirama’s face grows. The two of you walk side by side, in your travel clothes and a simple haori that would not draw any attention. At once glance, the two of you look like a pair of normal people going about their day. Unless they figure out that the two sticks wrapped around your back are swords and somehow take that as a clue that you are a shinobi, but it is unlikely. There are still many people who practice the way of the sword.

The town nearest to the village is teeming with locals and visitors of varying classes, especially since it is a popular spot for hot springs. You adjust the straw hat on your husband’s head and he glances down at you. 

  
  


“What did you and your brother talk about?” You prompt and you smile as Tobirama reaches up to fix what you did to his hat. 

“Menial things,” he answers curtly. “Do not mess with my hat.” 

“We should rest under a shade,” you suggest to him, knowing that he can be sensitive to the heat. 

  
  


Tobirama does not say anything as you push him forward to a nearby bench under some trees. Fortunately, there is a stand nearby, selling tea and other snacks. 

You return to your waiting husband, and you hand him the rice cakes and the warm green tea. 

  
  


“You are awfully good at this,” Tobirama mutters and he sips the tea. 

“What do you mean?” You ask him and sit next to him. 

Tobirama stares at the grass in front of him and he sighs. “Taking care of me.” 

You cross your legs and lean back. You don’t say anything else because you are not sure how to answer, and it seems like there is a lot on Tobirama’s mind. Like the usual. 

  
  


“I am not used to that,” Tobirama mutters, but the words are lost to you because he is only speaking to the cup. 

You lean forward to watch the side of his face, studying the way his face tattoo perfectly lines across his cheek. Taking care of him seems like an instinct to look out for your own. Though it comes with challenges, and it will for the foreseeable future, you find joy in doing what you do. 

  
  


“Do not waste your food,” Tobirama suddenly lectures you and you roll your eyes. 

“Alright,” you reply childishly and take a bite out of your snacks. 

Tobirama downs all the tea, and even gives you the last of his rice cake without saying anything. Though he looks too cool to be doing it, the blush on the back of his neck says otherwise.

  
  


//

  
  


Tobirama sinks into the hot water, letting it relax his muscles after a long day’s journey. He takes a deep breath as he sinks lower, until the water is up to his chin. He closes his eyes and lets the water take him, wash control over him and he lets go of himself. It is like freefalling backwards, but the rushing air is water and he knows that he will not get hurt no matter how long the fall is. While he enjoys being around you, he needed this small moment of peace to process the past twenty-four hours. 

He never could have seen this coming for him. He never even thought he could make it this far, and now that he has, he is suddenly familiarizing himself with a fear he has never known before. He has a lot to lose now, more than ever. Or maybe, at the end of the day, he is afraid of being alone for all his life. To die without someone ever knowing him or understanding him. 

He sets his worries to the water around him, and he sighs blissfully. He swims towards the rock to rest his back against it, and he reaches for the sake placed on the small floating basket. 

He takes a sip, and he rests his head back. 

  
  


“A penny for your thoughts, my lord?” You dip your feet into the hot spring, hissing as you do and sit on the dryer ground next to Tobirama. You take his empty cup of sake and refill it. 

“You’re here,” Tobirama accepts the cup. He eyes you at the honorific, and you chuckle. There was a time when you called him that, albeit without the respect that comes with it.

“Why didn’t you wake me from my nap?” You dip a hand into the hot water, and you take a deep breath to get used to it. 

“You needed the rest,” Tobirama says. He sets his cup down and he turns to you, and puts his hands on your knees. 

“How thoughtful of you, my lord,” you whisper. 

  
  


“Stop calling me that,” Tobirama glowers. 

“You like it though,” you supply, and you reach for his reddening ear. “Should I just address you like this?”

“No,” Tobirama immediately answers. 

You ought to laugh, but he runs his hands on your legs, from your ankle and up to your thigh, then he pulls you into the water and you gasp as the hot water washes over your skin. The cotton yukata that you wore is now drenched, and water fills the spaces that are not close to your skin. You let out a little whine from the hot sensation washing over your body. Tobirama’s eyes rove over your wet skin greedily, and he pulls you closer to his body. You tremble slightly at the way he grips you so assertively and gasps as he suddenly kisses and sucks the base of your neck. 

Your nails dig into the skin of his shoulders, and you arch back to give him more space to explore. You sigh blissfully as his tongue laps over your collarbone, then the center of your chest, down to the base of your ribs. Quickly, you jump and surround your legs around his waist. You hiss as the cold air hits your skin that is not submerged into the water and gasp as Tobirama’s kisses become more insisting, coaxing you into a more aroused state. 

Your hand finds his neck, and you give his ear a sensual lick with your tongue, knowing that it is one of his sensitive spots. To garner his reaction, you push his face back by propping his jaw upwards with your thumb to get a good look at him.

  
  


"But do you like it?" Your eyes narrow slyly. You feel his bulge on the inside of your thigh.

There is a dark glimmer in his eyes that you have become familiar with. This Tobirama in front of you is willing to bite a little. 

He stares at you intently, looking like he is about to reprimand you with his narrowed eyes and knitted forehead and stern lips, and you shiver. Not just from the cold air that your body is not used to, now that your lower half is underwater. 

  
  


"It’s a yes, right?" You smile cheekily and you lean closer to his face. 

Tobirama tries to move away, but you have his neck in your hand and your legs around his waist. He is not going anywhere. 

  
  


Then, Tobirama's serious face molds into a smirk. You falter, and you look at where your fingers are pressing. His heart is beating fast, but before you can bring it up, he takes your hand and presses it against your shoulder.

"If you insist on calling me 'lord,' I assume that I will also have to take up the role," Tobirama presses a kiss on your lips. "Do as I say." 

  
  


Entranced by this version of Tobirama, you keep your words from your tongue and nod. 

"Get your legs off of me and turn around," Tobirama commands, his voice low like a hum near your ear. 

You do as he says, and almost immediately he grasps you to his chest assertively with an arm around your waist and keeps you still. 

“Is this what you wanted?” He growls into your ear. “Me, subjugating you?” 

  
  


You close your eyes as his words vibrate to your core of pleasure. 

Suddenly, you feel his fingers grasp the sides of your neck and you gasp. 

“Yes or no?” 

“You can do anything you want to me,” you let out in a rush, feeling so ecstatic. “My lord.” 

  
  


The world folds, and you fall to your hands and knees on the tatami, disoriented. You are only aware of Tobirama’s weight behind your back, his arousal pressed up against your ass. 

  
  


"You look great, like this," Tobirama pushes up your wet yukata up to your waist and cups one of your asscheeks. "Folded into supplication under me."

Your vision clears and you spot one of Tobirama’s hiraishin kunais in the corner of your eye. You smirk to yourself, but you immediately take a deep breath as you feel Tobirama’s fingers slip into you, and you moan as he starts to finger-fuck you open. As he draws back, purposely rubbing against your tight pussy walls, you immediately chase after his fingers and thrust yourself into it. 

Tobirama’s breathing is loud, but he remains quiet in his appreciation. 

As your body shakes with delirium, chasing your own contentment, you are aware of him pulling you up against his pelvis, and then laying you down onto the floor without your arms to support you. He slips fingers out and aligns his cock into your entrance. 

You close your eyes, unable to control your whimpers as he enters you in one swift movement. You attempt to prop yourself to your arms, but Tobirama is already drawing out and then slamming himself back to fill you. 

“Ah-my lord!” You cry out–on purpose to rile him up, earning another hard thrust upwards, and it makes you dizzy as sparks cover the edge of your vision. 

You feel a hand on the back of your neck, holding you in the perfect position for him to ram into you, deeper and deeper. You push yourself towards him languorously, chasing after your own contentment, but Tobirama controls your hips positioned under him like this and he slows his pace. You feel his weight on his back, and his short breaths on the side of your neck. So far, he does not really cry out. Making love for him is a form of absolution, something so precious and reverently done, no matter how rough.

Your body rivets under his touch and his surprisingly tender kisses, and you try to catch your breath as the fevered sensation of finishing begins to take over your body. The slowed rhythm of Tobirama’s fucking makes you come, and you come with a delirious moan. It does not stop, the feeling prolongs as Tobirama leans back again, and this time, he raises your hips higher and fucks into you in a tighter angle, crazed and fast.

Overcome, you let out a slur of words that might have been profanity. Or Tobirama’s name. Sometimes, they are paired together. 

  
  


Tears roll down your eyes, and you writhe from the pleasure as you approach another orgasm, and you urge him by keeping up with his pace. Each time he leaves, you tighten your hole around his pulsating cock.

Suddenly, your body seizes, and you cry out, the sound like the peal of a bell. Heat explodes inside you and you hear Tobirama’s ragged breathing. It sounds so primal and you close your eyes to savor the sound. His arms surround you immediately, and the both of you crash to the floor, spent and unbelievably high. 

  
  


Your breathing syncs with his, and despite being weak from love-making, you hold onto his hand tightly, suddenly overcome with your new reality. It is not just one night anymore that you two have to figure out how to mold together. This will be, for the rest of your life. 

There are so many differences that both of you still need to work out, and probably to fight over, but you have never doubted Tobirama’s affections, not when he passionately takes you, like a man lost in prayer, begging for some sign of the divine. 

Tonight, he holds you a little more tighter, with his face pressed into your neck, his body enveloping you like a welcoming home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gods this chapter HAHHA
> 
> thank you for reading !!! we will finally get to the meat of this fic. yay. from there, well, maybe you're in for a ride.
> 
> let me know your thoughts <3 find me on tumblr @animastatic


	4. Look to the Horizon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It starts with a bad dream. And then everything going horribly wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk about you guys, but the way i wrote this chapter makes me laugh a little

“It has been a while since we’ve seriously sparred,” you comment as you sidestep out of the way of Tobirama’s bokken.

  
  


Swiftly, you turn, and you meet his wooden sword, making a cross between the two of you. In the gaps, your eyes meet each other. You give his sword a nudge, and Tobirama gives in a little, and the space between the two of you rapidly decreases. 

Tobirama smirks, looking very pleased as you two dance around each other, the golden light rays of the sunset smiling upon the two of you with warmth. The light hits his face just right, and you can see his red eyes clearly, seeing flecks of black and white in his irises. Tobirama watches you with eyes wide in wonder, and he lets you counter by effectively dismantling his sword from his hand with a twist of your blade. 

The bokken clatters to the ground, and Tobirama bends down to pick it up. 

“No fair,” you tell him. “That was too easy.” 

  
  


Tobirama hides a smile and he shakes his head. “What if it was a trick?” 

“Huh?”

Tobirama wastes no time as he strikes from above and you counter at the last minute. Your arms shake from the sheer force, but you are trained in speed and precision, not brute strength and so you kick back at his knees to get him off. 

  
  


Tobirama draws back, and in the last second, he slaps his hiraishin seal on to your blade. You widen your eyes, and Tobirama is suddenly right in front of you, zeroing in for the kill. 

Tobirama cannot stop, it is like his body is being controlled by a divine force. No matter how much he screams in his mind, he is going, and going even faster. The look in your eyes does not even make him stop, and somehow, the wooden sword has turned into a real one, and he hears the metal sing for blood. 

  
  


“Tobirama!” You screamed, your face completely changing to horror. 

Sickeningly, he feels the blade go through flesh, and his ears ring from your raw screams.

  
  


Tobirama wakes with a start, and cold sweat soaks his body and through his sleep yukata. His chest heaves with the effort to get air into his lungs, but he can hear himself breathe shallowly. His mind feels light, and his hands are cold and numb, and the feeling travels up his arms and then his chest, paralyzing him for a moment. Spots dance in his vision and he closes his eyes to will them away. 

Finally, he is able to sit up and his body shakes as if his organs are jolting and crashing against each other like an earthquake intent on rupturing the ground, and blood pumps through his arteries like the rush of a flood, making his pale skin red. He lets out a shaky breath and he takes his trembling hands and presses his palms against his eyes. 

_What was that?_ He thinks.

  
  


He glances at your sleeping form, and another cold, numbing wave rushes through him, and this time, it feels like a thousand needles pricking every microscopic opening of his skin. It is on his eyes, his cheeks, his whole body, each pinprick so painful that he is tempted to tear his skin off until his nails crack and blood is finally released to offer him some relief.

All was well. He was with you, alone and as his wife. He was learning to get along with another person besides himself and his family. He was learning to express his love and discard his fears and his worries. He was learning to accept all the good things that were withheld from him as a child. 

Why must all good things come with a price? 

And to him, you are too good. 

  
  


He knows that he is being irrational, that it is probably nothing, but his nightmare sits on his chest and the more it replays in his mind, the more it upsets him. He will never hurt you, so why is he doing that in his dreams? 

His paranoia is getting to him. Maybe he is looking for a fight, or something his hands can busy themselves with. 

  
  


Tobirama sighs heavily, and recalls that his dream is eerily similar to the way he had killed Uchiha Izuna. 

He moves away from you, unable to bear the contact of another body against his own. He takes out his things, and he starts to rearrange everything until he deems it perfect. Then, he takes to his journals and his scrolls, catching up on his reading and writing his ideas down. 

Occasionally, he glances at you, and he tries to swallow and kill the feeling of dread. 

  
  


//

  
  


Your husband is too quiet for your liking. He is also avoiding you like a plague, and he does not look at you when speaking. You figure that he is having one of his moods, so you let him be, only addressing him when needed and asking simple yes or no questions. Currently, the two of you are heading to your next destination, which is a little farther from Konoha, but it is also known for its vast hunting grounds, mountain ranges and booming towns. 

The two of you did not have a set itinerary for your travels, which was surprising–since Tobirama is a huge planner–but you both have the common goal to travel to other places in the country without the strings of a mission. Sometimes, you miss out on huge details when you are not there to take your time and enjoy the sights. 

  
  


You glance at Tobirama, who is scowling at the air in front of him. 

Ahead, you hear angry shouts and horses whining, followed by the whipping sounds of a lash. 

  
  
  


Tobirama snaps alert, and his eyes narrow to focus. With a nod, the two of you take to the trees and land silently on the branches to view what is happening. You conceal yourselves behind the thick trunks of the trees and peer downwards to a rough passage cutting through two tall hills, one of which you and Tobirama are situated on.

You watch the procession of children, young adults, women and men that are able bodied toil through the rocky terrain, their wrists shackled by train of chains to ensure that no one breaks line. Some of them are missing shoes, or have discarded them along the way. 

  
  


Supervising these were ruffians, carrying a variety of weapons, and they are shouting and whipping at those who are lagging behind. 

  
  


You narrow your eyes, your intuition telling you that something is very wrong. 

  
  


"What do you think?" You mouth towards Tobirama when your gazes meet simultaneously. 

Your husband points down, and the two of you quietly descend to the ground. 

  
  


"You've seen this before?" You query, watching his wary gaze. 

"Slaves to be sold, probably," Tobirama replies grimly. "Most are kidnapped."

"We can't just turn a blind eye on this," you say as you take another look. “They are just children.”

  
  


Tobirama says nothing.

  
  


You narrow your eyes, and you see, at the end of the line, three familiar faces, who look too clean and too conspicuous. They do not look as dead tired as the others. 

  
  


"Oh gods," you murmur under your breath. 

"What is it?"

"What was your brother thinking?" You hiss. 

Tobirama follows your line of sight and he frowns. “They are Chuunins now. They need the experience. Stop coddling them.”

“Tell me that again without being perturbed,” you snap in a low voice. 

  
  


Tobirama looks pissed, but you know it is not directed towards you. His jaw tightens, as he watches one of the watchers whip a child. Then, he meets your gaze again. 

“We have to do something with those face tattoos of yours,” you suggest. You ignore your feeling when he seems to flinch when you make a move to touch his face, and drop your hand. 

  
  


//

  
  


The day fades into the night when the string of kidnapped people have arrived into their final destination. It is a booming town, with streets alive with the early hours of the night life–rowdy men who are already drunk from day drinking and women in full make-up outside of the love hotels they work for, eager to welcome in any customers. No one takes notice of the procession, which makes you think that this is the norm for this town, or that everyone is afraid to voice their objections because this group of people are a part of something bigger and more powerful than them.

You glance at Tobirama, who looks way younger with his face tattoos covered. Up ahead, the motley crew flood into what seems like an amphitheater, and the two of you blend in with the prisoners after they got released from their chains. 

The women you are with are shaking with fear, and some are staring at the ground with a blank expression. You try to talk with them, but they refuse to do so, only glancing at the guards with fear. 

You find Tobirama talking to a few kids, and it seems like he is reassuring them. Your heart softens at the sight, but your attention is taken away when the screaming starts. You try to find your students in the mayhem, but you still cannot find them. 

It is not exactly dark, since there are pyres of fire lighting up the whole amphitheater, but the screaming is not of fear–it is of excitement and instigation. 

  
  


First, you watch as stick thin women are lined up in the center of the audience. They are half-naked for men to ogle at, and then, somebody comes up to auction them off, calling for bets and announcing who is sold to whom. 

Then, after the women are sold off, various weapons are pulled into the arena. They line the walls, ranging from spears, to swords, to knives and an assembly of mismatched armors that will never work unless one is trained to wear them in battle. One would be a fool to try them on now. You watch as the crowd roars, impatient for entertainment. Money is being collected by teenage boys from the aisles, while you and the people who were brought in are pushed nearer to the ring. 

You have no doubt that you and your husband can fight and win, but that is not your objective. The two of you are supposed to collect intel and infiltrate and somehow rescue your students, but their faces are still nowhere to be found. 

  
  


You meet Tobirama’s eyes and he gives you a small, imperceptible nod, meaning that your students are alive and nearby. 

It isn’t hard to comprehend what is going on here. Either the daimyos of this part of the country are profiting from this, or this town is run by a strong gang who make their money by providing these kinds of services–pitting children against each other and selling slaves. 

You suppose that this is what shinobis still do, but the difference is, it is legalized and approved by everybody. 

Then, cheers erupt again, louder this time, as three figures are thrown into the ground. 

  
  


“Everyone, we have some special guests!” An announcer shouts. “Three Konohagakure shinobis!” 

  
  


Your heart drops to your stomach, but you keep to yourself, lest you give yourself or Tobirama away. 

  
  


_Damn it_ , you curse at the gods, anyone, really. 

You regret not giving your students opportunities to infiltrate properly, or being distracted by your other duties as a shinobi and not spending enough time to drill them. You understand that being a shinobi means dying on the mission, but it is not like that anymore, but you are naive to think that just because the village you live in has acquired some peace, does not mean that the rest of the world is also at peace. 

Outside of your life, children still die because there is no one to fight for them. They are rounded up like this, and they learn how to fight to live another day. 

  
  


You observe, looking for some opening. You put your hopes in your students that they have enough wits to gather and keep themselves alive. 

  
  


“They will fight against our champion,” the announcer continues. 

A man wearing a demon mask appears, carrying a naginata with a blade that curves wickedly. You know that this blade is no ordinary blade by the way the air around it seems to hum. However, a man is only as good as the blade he wields. You hope that your students are better, and can make up for lack of strength with their brains. You know that they are more of a tactical team than an offensive one, but they do well when they work together. 

“If they are Konohagakure, one should be enough to defeat him!” Someone aggressively shouts from the crowd. 

A cold shiver runs through your spine and you hope that they do not pick Mieko. When she became part of your genin team, you refused profusely to the Hokage that she should not be a shinobi as she was not inclined to battle at all. Her instincts are all over the place, and her skills are quite clumsy. However, you know that her mind is sharp, and with training, she greatly improved. 

Still. You are very hesitant. 

Some people start to express their disapproval, and you see Tobirama signal you to be ready. 

  
  


“The girl!” 

The rest follow suit, their voices growing ever stronger. They are not individuals anymore. Shrouded with the loud volume and the anonymity the night offers, they become one body. They will prey at the small and weak. Like children. 

There are no such thing as scary beasts. The real monsters are the people. 

  
  


The crowd cheers as the Kai and Taiyo are dragged off, blindfolded and tied. 

Well, it looks like the plan for flooding the arena is off the table. 

  
  


Tobirama begins to move, and you make yours as well. 

  
  


“The people have spoken!” 

  
  


The match begins, and you spectate with the crowd. Tobirama disappears to follow the boys, and you focus your attention to Mieko. 

The masked man swings at Mieko, and you feel a surge of pride as she ducks and goes forward to attack. The man is taller than Mieko, and with her size and speed, she can make up for it. She goes for the vital spots and slices at the back of the knees, and you begin to make your way closer, despite garnering looks. Tobirama is probably done already, and you need to make this quicker. 

The two of you can report back to Hashirama and send another team to save the people here later on. 

  
  


The crowd boos, and you see Mieko get hit with the blunt end of the naginata. Disoriented, she distances herself. 

Despite the bleeding on the back of the man’s knees, he is still able to stand upright. He makes his way towards Mieko and draws the crowd with him. 

You lunge out and grab at a sword nearby, and parry the oncoming strike away. 

  
  


“Sensei?!” Mieko exclaims. “What are you doing here?!” 

You grin, as the crowd boos again. “Long story, kid. Don’t worry, the boys are alright. But we need to go.” 

  
  


You frown at the sword, hating how unbalanced it feels. It seems like anyone who gets pitted against this man is already at disadvantage. 

  
  


The arena immediately floods with men, their swords out and glinting under the orange glow of the fire. 

  
  


“Watch my back,” you tell your student, and give them a reassuring smile. “We have to fight our way out.”

“But sensei–”

“I trust you,” you cut her off, deciding to dispense your doubts against her from before. “I know you know what you are doing. You just lack experience, that’s all. Now, chin up.”

  
  


You charge at the masked man, keeping low and close so that his long weapon is at disadvantage. You aim upwards, and you manage to hack at the mask, splitting it in half. Then, you go after him as he backs away. 

The rest of the theater is thrown into chaos, with the prisoners running around to get away. Since most of the men are on your back, there is no one guarding them. 

The naginata swings and you back away, and it almost cuts away at your neck. 

  
  


Mieko screams, and you turn and ward off the man who just managed to wound her arm. 

“It’s okay,” you tell her, keeping your eye at the man. 

  
  


There are three Tobiramas clearing an opening efficiently, and you push Mieko towards it. 

“Just in time,” you murmur amusedly. 

  
  


You cut and hack, not minding the warm spray of blood on your face. 

  
  


The man follows, but there is too much going on. 

“Almost there,” you urge. 

  
  


Suddenly, Tobirama shouts your name at the same time the sharp piercing of a blade embeds itself into your side. It comes out to your front, and you feel yourself pale and grow light-headed. The naginata was pushed into you, and you stare at the tip of the blade, in disbelief that a part of it is now inside you. 

  
  


Mieko drags you, and you attempt to take it out. You rather bleed than slow down the escape. 

The situation has turned ridiculous, and maybe you are dying, because you find it hilarious that you are dragging a long weapon using the sheer will of your probably eviscerated organs. 

  
  


The naginata lightens as you hear something break, and suddenly, the real Tobirama is placing your arm around his neck, and the three of you leave behind chaos. You are aware of the loud gushing of water behind you and men drowning, and Tobirama’s harsh breathing as he curtails you out and into safety. 

  
  


//

  
  


“Stay with me,” Tobirama commanded, his voice hard and taut. 

You feel hands all over you, trying to do damage control by controlling the bleeding and stabilizing the blade that is stabbed through you. 

You feel the warm, blazing feeling of basic medical ninjutsu being used, and you keep still, focusing on being conscious. 

  
  


You reach for Tobirama’s hand, which is sticky with your blood, and you give it a squeeze, proving to him that you will be alright.

  
  


“What in the gods’ names, are you three doing here?” Tobirama demands. “This is too far out from the village for newly Chuunins to venture to.”

Mieko replies calmly as her ninjutsu covers your wound. “Lord Hokage approved of this mission for us. He thinks it is suitable for us young Chuunins. It was just supposed to be recon.”

Tobirama’s jaw visibly hardens. “How long until the bleeding stops?” 

“I am almost done,” Mieko says. “But the blade–”

  
  


“Take. It. Out,” you say through gritted teeth.

“Are you out of your mind?!” Tobirama barks. “You will die.” 

“I won’t,” you reason. “I’m...in good hands.”

  
  


Mieko swallows nervously. “Maybe if we do it slowly...but we have to be in a cleaner place.” 

  
  


“Your lack of concern over your disposition is shocking,” Tobirama deadpans sarcastically. 

“It is my lack of concern over my disposition that got us out,” you try to laugh, but the piercing pain travels upwards your torso. 

“Be quiet,” Tobirama scolds. “Your life is not a joke.” He sighs. “And mind you, _I_ got us all out.”

  
  


“Yes, yes,” you say, dismissal. “Genius inventor and savior of the universe, Senju Tobirama–”

“If this injury does not kill you, I will snuff you out in your sleep,” Tobirama threatens. 

You roll your eyes, even though every movement hurts. However, bantering with your husband is a comfort and a welcoming distraction. “The bar is so low for good husbands.” 

  
  


Tobirama rolls his eyes as well, and he crosses his arms together. You can tell that beneath his annoyance, he is frantic. “Stop being dramatic.” 

“Take your own advice,” you bite back for the sake of having the last word. 

  
  


Kai and Taiyo glance at each other uneasily. It is not strange for the two of you to argue relentlessly in front of people, but it does become quite a chore for everyone to hear. 

“I stopped the bleeding,” Mieko sighs with relief.

  
  


You give her a smile. “You sound like you weren’t sure and I’d die bleeding out on some random forest floor.”

“If you can talk so incessantly, I think you’re better off putting that energy into walking,” Tobirama interrupts, his tone not exactly irritated. You can sense his concern under his sassy comments. 

  
  


He helps you stand to your feet, and you wince. 

“I don’t think I can walk,” you tell him slowly. 

“Like I would let you,” Tobirama snaps, already putting your arm around his shoulder. He is fuming, and though that is probably enough to make others run, you find it adorable. 

He glances at you with a scowl, realizing that you actually said adorable out loud.

  
  


Maybe you are slowly dying.

  
  


//

  
  


After the kids booked a room, you all set to the task of removing the blade. 

You know you cannot scream out loud, so there is a towel in between your teeth to muffle your screams. Tobirama is scolding your ear off, and you suppose it has its perks. His voice distracts from the pain, and little by little, your student pulls off a field surgery that can put an experienced Chuunin to shame. It is not perfect, but it will do until you can get to the hospital.

  
  


Tobirama does the bandaging and he dismisses the kids to go fetch supplies. Weak and still in pain for the lack of anaesthetics, you feel heavy and groggy. It is like you are about to tear apart any second, but your senses are fried and you are unaware of the scope of damage. 

“You shouldn’t try to move,” Tobirama says, his fingers quickly tying the bandage. 

You stare at him, and give him a wan smile. “Sorry.”

“For what?” Tobirama deadpans. “Not watching your own back? Not being alert and anticipating any kinds of attacks?”

“Right, right,” you let out a small chuckle. “Lecture me some more. I could die from infection tomorrow.”

Tobirama stops and he turns rigid. He collects his hands resting on your stomach. “Do you have a death wish?” 

  
  


You slowly reach for his hand, and coax it to hold yours. “You were worried for me.”

Tobirama scoffs. “As you said, the bar is so low for good husbands.” 

  
  
  


“I love you,” you whisper. 

Tobirama stares at you, caught off-guard. Then, he lets out a small breath that sounds like he is more amused than angry. “You say the worst things.”

You roll your eyes. “You said it first.” 

“You should sleep,” Tobirama suggests, and he takes your hand to plant a soft kiss on your knuckles. “Tomorrow, we’ll get you home.” 

  
  


The suggestion of sleep weighs on your eyelids, but another thought enters your mind. 

  
  


“What will you and your brother talk about?” You ask, your words disconnecting from your mind and the syllables rolling off lazily. “This whole situation is a misjudgement of his, not that I’m questioning his ability to rule...He is a good man.” 

Tobirama smooths your forehead with his palm, and you close your eyes. 

“We’ll see.” 

  
  


//

  
  


Midnight comes, and Tobirama stares at the night sky in the engawa of the room they have settled in. His heart is heavy, and even more so with your unexpected injury. He cannot help but think that he may have a hand in this, but that is simply irrational. Dreams are just dreams, and they will stay dreams if they are not spoken of and put to action. 

Dreams are not his forte, after all. It was his brother who had a vision, and he was the one who lay out the groundwork for it to happen. 

If his dreams are to come true, then he is selfish and afraid, qualities that a shinobi should never have. 

  
  


He squints at the night sky, and finds a hawk circling in. 

The heavy feeling in his heart does not abate. 

  
  


Tobirama holds out his hand, hoping that it is delivering good news, but that is unlikely. He knows Konoha can hold its own for a few days without him. 

This must be something worse. 

The hawk lands, and Tobirama uncovers the scroll attached to its leg. He sends the hawk away, and he rolls the tiny message out. 

It spells a sentence that makes Tobirama flare in rage. He recognizes his sister-in-law’s elegant hand-writing.

  
  
_Madara has returned to destroy the village._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tobirama having a ptsd nightmare....
> 
> And then Madara coming back to attack the village...so of courseee Tobirama has to choose who to go to. LOL.
> 
> Thank you for reading! I CAN'T WAIT TO WRITE THE NEXT CHAPTERS I'M SO READY HAHAHAHHAHAHA 
> 
> find me on tumblr @animastatic


	5. Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A decision must be made. An old friend pays a visit.

_Madara has returned to destroy the village._

Tobirama crumples the note in his hand, and he storms back into the room. His chest is on fire with the wrath he wants to rain down on Uchiha Madara. He lays out his scrolls, its pages flying out and rolling on the floor, revealing compartment seals. He activates them quickly, and the seals produce his armor and his weapons. 

You wake up to the shuffling noise, and blink blearily. 

  
  


“Tobirama?” You call hoarsely. 

Tobirama quickly wraps his fur collar on his shoulders, and anxiously brushes his hair back from his forehead. 

  
  


You try to sit up to see him better, but Tobirama is already pushing you to lie back down. His hands on your shoulders are gentle, and he kneels on one knee beside the bed. 

“Madara has come to destroy the village,” Tobirama repeats the message coldly. 

  
  


You look at his face, and then you feel tears pricking your eyes. Maybe, this was bound to happen. When there is no home to go back to, when you are alienated from what you know and believe in, and when there is no future, perhaps the last thing you do is burn every bridge that you paved. 

What is Madara thinking? You wish to know. 

  
  


“Your arm,” you request. 

Tobirama looks at you, confused, but he does as you say and you fix the strap on his armor quietly. 

  
  


“I have to go,” Tobirama says, because his duty is to the village first. “Let me go with your permission.” 

You look to the ceiling, wishing that the ache in your heart will leave. You do not know what is worse–not being able to fight with Tobirama or the possibility of Tobirama going up against Madara. If Hashirama has not defeated Madara yet, then everyone after him will lay down their lives for the village. 

But you do what you think is right. “Then go,” you tell him, mustering up the strength to keep your voice steady. 

You cannot waver. You have to pick him, and believe in him.

  
  


Tobirama leans towards you, and he presses his forehead against yours. His eyes are closed, savoring this moment–saying goodbye in the best way he knows how. Then, he tears himself away and he turns his back. He sweeps his hair back again, and puts on his happuri. 

  
  


“I will return to you,” Tobirama promises, and he takes off, not wasting another second away from his brother and the village. 

  
  


He leaves you with your aching heart, and your muddled mind, because Madara is right: you can never be impartial to any sides when it comes to your husband. You are now against him. 

  
  


You turn your head to the side, and let the tears fall silently. 

  
  


//

  
  


Sleep comes to you like a fever. You feel yourself sweating, but you are not awake, and you are only half-aware of your surroundings. You start to see things in front of you that appear for one second and then they are gone on the next, and when darkness covers your eyes, you hear a rush of voices, and then an eerie stillness that you want to go away. 

Somewhere at the back of your mind, you know that you are hallucinating, and that your wound is probably infected.

  
  


The world spins, and it disorients you. You try to find your way, but the path folds and falls to pieces. There is nothing to hold on to. 

  
  


“Are you happy with him?” Madara taunts beside your ear and far from you at the same time. 

“Madara please,” you beg. “Please do not hurt him.” 

You feel like you are swimming in a pool of lead, so you do your best to keep still. “What is this? A hallucination? Genjutsu?” 

  
  


Madara chuckles coldly. “It is what you want it to be.” 

  
  


The scenery changes, and you view the green fields of a training ground. The sky is blue, and beyond, a river runs peacefully. 

  
  


“You are kind and honorable, Madara,” you start. “Why are you doing this?” 

Madara appears beside you, in full battle gear. His gunbai hangs on his back, and his long, unruly hair sways with the coming breeze. 

  
  


Your former friend sneers. “You have become weak.” 

  
  


Madara grabs you by the arm, and you see his eyes, red and filled with hatred. “I swore loyalty to your new Senju family. They are Konohagakure. Those two are the same thing. I did everything I could for them, but everything I do apparently dissauges efforts of peace.”

“Let me go!” You demand to his face. He may have strength, but you are not afraid of him. “If you think me as weak, then kill me.” 

Madara shakes his head, and for a moment, you see a sliver of the Madara you knew. Then it is wiped away. 

  
  


“I had a brother and I wished to honor him throughout all my life. The more I agreed with the Senju, the farther I got from him,” Madara says. “Do you think you will have anything left if you choose to stand with them? They will destroy and bring more war into this world! There can never be peace in the vision that they built!” 

  
  


“Madara!” You shout, and he lets go of you. 

  
  


“Someday,” Madara begins ominously. “The time will come where you will beg for me to come and take your pain away.”

“That day will never come,” you spat. “They will stop you.” 

  
  


Madara grins wickedly. “They?”

“Yes. Hashirama. Tobirama. Their sons, and their sons’ sons.” 

  
  


Madara looks pleased, because finally, you are telling him that you are picking a side. 

  
  


“You are starting to sound like them,” Madara muses. Then, he steps closer to tower over you, meaning to intimidate you. 

“I believe in them,” you stand your guard and look him into his eyes. 

“I once believed in them.” Madara’s eyes narrow. “But empires rise and fall. Men rise and fall. In the end, your Senju husband will fail.” 

  
  


You raise your chin up. “Then I will make sure that he never does.”

  
  


Madara places a hand on your cheek, and once more, your words bring delight to him. “I’m sure you will do everything. He _will_ be king someday, but he is still just a man.” 

  
  


His other hand goes up to frame your face, and you note his gentleness. “He will do everything right and what he is supposed to do, but in the grand scheme of things, he is _nothing_.” 

  
  


Your eyelids burn, and you wake up with a gasp. Sweat covers your body, and your wound itches, and it is on fire. You want to scream and tear your heart out but you keep it in. You swallow your fears, because whether Madara’s visit was real or not, you are determined to prove him wrong. When Tobirama will become Hokage, you will back him up and make sure that everything he does will not undo the village. Besides, you trust him and you know well in your heart that he always has the village’s interests placed above his heart. 

  
  


//

  
  


“Sensei, you have to drink water,” Mieko urges you as Kai and Taiyo sits you up. 

“Fine,” you rasps out. 

  
  


You let Mieko tilt the glass of water to your lips, and you take sips until you empty the glass to satisfy your student. It is early in the morning, and not hearing any news from Konoha makes you anxious. You close your eyes, and press your back against the headboard of the bed, trying to cool yourself. 

The fever still has not broken, and it seems to increase like a rampage. You are slowly being cooked from the inside out. 

  
  


“Find me a map,” you tell your students. “I have something for you three to do.” 

  
  


You hear your students shuffle around quickly to follow your directions, and then, doors sliding. You are alone again, and it makes you restless. Madara is probably waging psychological warfare with you, or this is a battle you have made up for yourself over your guilt towards Madara. 

  
  


A piece of paper slides on your lap and you look down, finding a map like you requested. 

“Pencil,” you command, and a pencil is handed to you. 

  
  


“I want you three to find those people who have escaped from that town last night,” you explain, holding on to your words. “That town...is around here.”

You take your hand, and you see double on the map. It takes a while to mark the place of the town, but you successfully get it done. You want to laugh, if the situation wasn’t this serious. 

  
  


“I want you three to explore the area around it, and find the people who escaped. There are children, and they will be frightened, so do not attack anybody, not unless it is to defend yourself,” you continue. “Then, I want you to lead them to this place.” 

  
  


You mark the place on the map, and you linger at it for a while. That is your family’s land, where you were born. It is still home, even if they have basically banished you for pursuing your career as a shinobi. Your family were good swordsmen and women, and they have practiced the way of the sword for as long as they have existed. When they have allied themselves with Konoha, and set up a trading system with the daimyos of the country, they have given up their practice. There is no need for battles when they can be successful in commerce. 

  
  


“I am going to draft a letter, and you will give it to the head of that place,” you tell them. “You will know, because he lives in the most decorated house. You can ask, and they will point you to him.” 

You give them a look. “You guys have to be careful, alright? Those people that took you might still be looking for you and the people they kidnapped.” 

  
  


You take a deep breath. “Stay in that place with the people until I send for you. The people that live there will help you and protect you, as long as you offer your service in return.” 

“Service?” Kai asks politely and with a lot of hesitation.

You smile ruefully. “Well, they are mostly swordsmiths. You’re going to have a swell time.” 

  
  


//

After sending your students away, you are alone once again. You know that Tobirama prefers that they stay with you to protect you, but you cannot stand the thought that those people are out there alone and afraid. There were children as young as Tobirama’s small nephews. Those children deserve better, and they need that chance to survive, no matter how small and scarce. 

Your fever breaks before lunch, and you slowly and painstakingly make your way to the engawa. Every small movement seems to take an hour, and by the time you are sitting down and warily leaning against the posts that hold the roof over your heads, your vision is swimming and your stomach is grumbling for sustenance. 

  
  


The grass moves in one sweeping motion away from you, and above, the clouds travel through the infinite spaces of the sky. You flit in between naps and dreams, and in one of them, you are hysterically crying from seeing an older version of Tobirama. Here, he looks battle worn. His happuri is cracked, and his armor is faded and stained with dried blood. He looks so different here. There are lines on his face that were not there when you last saw him, and his temple is bleeding from a head wound. 

His jaw is set and hard, but his eyes look at you with such longing and desperation that it breaks your heart. It is simply too much. There is something wrong with the situation, and the more you look at it, the more it looks like Tobirama does not belong in that moment. 

  
  


He says something that is not audible, and you only make out the word _return_ from his lips, and then he is gone, slipping away from your grasp. The sound of his name tears from your throat with so much pain–a pain so deep as if it has been compounded for so long over time and it still feels fresh like a torn out limb. You have not known enough at that moment, and yet, you know everything already. Like you have spent a lifetime with Tobirama, and this is just one of those splits in time.

  
  


When you open your eyes, it is dusk, and still, there is no Tobirama to be found. 

The world is incredibly still. No birds are flying for their last flight of the day. There is no wind. There is no sound. 

  
  


The moment makes you feel small and vulnerable, and you anticipate another hallucination, but it does not come. 

  
  


Everything moves again, and the twilight disappears into the night. The last golden light of the sun sinks to the horizon, and the sky turns a darker purple, and then a sea of navy blue. 

Your heart quivers anxiously for any news, for _anything._ Even that half-dreamt version of Tobirama who wore many years of hardships. 

  
  


“Come to me,” you whisper into the night like prayer. “ _Please.”_

  
  


You close your eyes, and your forehead wrinkles. You can feel him, somehow. He is alive and well. 

  
  


Immediately, the atmosphere changes when he finally appears. A warm wind brushes a few strands of your hair back, and you open your eyes, and Tobirama is there, whole and sturdy. 

  
  


You let out a sigh of relief, and you go to him with all of your effort, even if pain pierces up and down your body, and the weakness you feel makes you want to pass out. Tobirama quickly walks up to you and saves you from the arduous distance, and you throw yourself to him, winding your arms around his neck and pulling him close. You hold him tightly, and you bury your face to his chest, unable to control the shaking of your body. You feel Tobirama’s arms surround you, and he clutches you to him, like the way an anchor steels a ship and holds it from floating away. 

  
  


His embrace lulls you to a place where you feel the safest. 

  
  


“It’s you,” you whisper with wonder. 

  
  


Tobirama’s hand comes up to the back of your head, and he presses a lingering kiss on the side of your head. “I have returned to you.” 

There is tiredness in his voice, but it remains non-hostile towards you. 

You pull back, and you place a hand on his cheek. Tobirama leans in towards your touch, and quickly kisses the inside of your palm. 

  
  


“The village?” You ask, your forehead knitting anxiously. 

“Whole and safe,” Tobirama replies quietly. 

“And...Madara?” 

  
  


Tobirama meets your eyes, both with regret and the cold-hardness of a warrior. “He is dead.”

  
  


You lose feeling in your fingers, and you collapse against Tobirama. The two of you fall to the ground, with Tobirama supporting you and delicately pressing you to him. You sit in between his legs, and your head rests on his shoulder. 

  
  


“I’m sorry,” Tobirama offers stiffly. 

“He did not hurt you,” you state, but Tobirama takes it like a question. 

“Elder brother went up against him,” Tobirama replies. Then, after a while, “I do not think he is alright.” 

  
  


You study your husband’s face, and note that he is the same as last you saw him. He is not...older, nor hurrying away desperately. Tobirama looks his age, and there are no lines on his face except fatigue. You remember Madara’s words and your heart grows cold. You vow that you will not see your husband fall. Maybe your help to him will be insignificant, but you are here to stand with him. 

  
  


“I’m here for you,” you tell your husband. The sentence is so simple, but it encompasses so many things. It allows no borders between you, no matter how many times Tobirama will put them up. 

“No matter what,” you press a kiss to his jaw, and you swallow your fear that Madara may just be right. 

He cannot be. You will not allow it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> of all the chapters ive written in this whole series, I THINK this is the most IMPORTANT ONE HAHAHHAHAHAHAH (wanna take a guess why? xdddddd)
> 
> thank you for reading !!!
> 
> kudos and comments are much appreciated <3
> 
> find me on tumblr @animastatic !


	6. How to Steal a Crown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tobirama tries to fix his brother's shortcomings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorta Tobira-centric except towards the end
> 
> ik i'm updating like...crazy, BUT IT'S BECAUSE !

Tobirama flips through the village’s financial ledgers, seething with a frustrating anger that he cannot calm. He references the Senju clan’s own books, and he is dismayed to find that the numbers match exactly. This is blatant evidence that money has been liquidated to the Senju accounts, and then used by Hashirama. If this comes into the wrong hands, not only will his brother be ruined, but the rest of his family and he cannot allow that to happen. What is more heartbreaking is that this has been going on for over a year now, and Tobirama was busy running around to attend to his personal life and away from his brother when he was needed by him. He pinches the bridge of his nose, and he lets out a shout of vexation and sends the scrolls and the books and other important parchments to the floor. 

“I tried to fix it when you were gone,” Hashirama says shamefully, appearing at the door of Tobirama’s new home office. 

  
  


Barely moved in his new house, Tobirama chose to use the recluse space as his base to figure out things. His wife is in the hospital, and this house is empty and quiet and devoid of any distractions. It is also bare and undecorated, perfect for not being uncomfortable enough to not take a rest.

  
  


Tobirama balls his fists, trying to control himself from lashing out any more. “Is that why you were so eager for me to go away?!” 

Hashirama’s eyes widened. “No, Tobirama–”

“Be quiet, elder brother, I am trying to think,” Tobirama cuts him off and he turns around towards the window. 

  
  


Tobirama exhales and he whips around. “You have a problem,” he declares in a way that would dissuade any feelings of argument. “Even if you saved our village from Madara’s attack, you advertently cut off its legs. What were you thinking?!” Tobirama shouts. 

Hashirama’s expression darkens and he crosses his arms. There is no simple explanation for this. 

  
  


Tobirama hits the desk, and it breaks in half, the splinters flying up as the desk goes in on itself. “You told me to be happy. To go and enjoy my time with her, while you did this behind my back? You could have told me! I could have done something to fix this!” 

“It is not your job to fix my problems!” Hashirama bellows. 

“I am your brother!” Tobirama’s eyes are awash with newfound anger. “You did not trust me enough to confide in me!” 

“And what? Keep you away from your wife?” Hashirama snaps. 

  
  


“She would have understood,” Tobirama replies icily. “She would have understood! She would have let me!” 

Hashirama steps closer, and the floor beneath his feet begins to crack and new branches of trees creep out. “You take her for granted too much!” 

  
  


“Stop changing the subject!” Tobirama screams, and he pushes back with his own chakra, cutting the sprouting forest in half before they reach the roof. 

“It would have been fine,” Hashirama grits out. 

“Stop making excuses!” Tobirama bellows, the floor he is standing on becomes a crater. "You should have come to me!" 

  
  


Hashirama looks away, and says nothing. The room is thick with their aura and their intense emotions that it is possible it can kill an ordinary shinobi. It is hard to breathe in the room at the moment, and if one dares to relieve their lungs with a sigh, the consequences may be catastrophic. They are walking on eggshells. 

Tobirama kneads his forehead, unable to say anything else lest he makes matters worse. He cannot bring himself to look at his brother. All his life, he has devoted himself to make sure that Hashirama’s dreams come true because he believed them to be good and that they will change the world. There is no one else like Hashirama, there is no greater shinobi than him. He is hailed as the god of shinobi, for heaven’s sake. 

So, why did the god of shinobi sink this low? 

Because above all rules, they are human first, who feel too much and who make many mistakes. 

  
  


“Damn it, elder brother,” Tobirama utters solemnly. 

  
  


Tobirama takes a deep breath, and he meets his brother’s gaze. “You will attend to your duties as Hokage. Do not say a word about this. We will fix this _my way_.” 

  
  


//

  
  


It is late at night, and Tobirama stops short outside of his wife’s hospital room. Something about her injury makes him come to a sickening conclusion: that she has no regard for her life, and takes unnecessary risks. He cannot protect her if she keeps doing this to herself, and he will never admit it, but he needs her to be still and to remain steadfast because he cannot divide himself enough to be there for her and his brother and the village. He is not sure, along with some of his doubts, if he can do it all. He needs to know that she will be fine and he needs to make sure of it. He feels terrible, but he has made it this long. Sometimes, the most terrible things have to be done in order to make sure that the world keeps turning.

He will never be the husband that she deserves, but what he can do best is protect her. He knows that she has promised to be there for him, but Tobirama also knows that she is not only his wife, but she is also a shinobi with her own beliefs and commitment to duty. In the end, he cannot separate himself completely from his emotions. He does not want to lose her, and that feeling makes his stomach curl in fear. He can face a thousand enemies, but nothing is as daunting as her leaving him too early in life. 

Tobirama’s hand lingers at the knob, but he cannot make himself turn it. 

  
  


He allowed himself one moment of happiness, and he is blinded by his own needs. What kind of a shinobi is he that he forgets for one second what it is he is supposed to do? What kind of brother is he if he cannot devote himself to the village that his brother loves? 

  
  


Tobirama stalks off like a storm and he heads back to his new house. It is dark and unwelcoming, but it is what he needs right now. He is the one with solutions, so he will do his part. 

He lights the lamps to give him light, and he arranges the living room to be his own personal office for now. The furniture that is yet to be used stand and crowd the room like vigilant statues, and Tobirama cannot stand them so he covers them with blankets. Then, he drags his things into the table there and he gets to work. 

His mind works well when he is alone and under pressure, and it takes all night until daybreak without break to formulate and translate his ideas into something tangible. He drafts letters to be sent to the daimyos asking for a loan, treaties with other small villages with negotiations on trade, and new rules to reform the village so that it generates more income to keep it going. Of course, the shinobi in the village need to partake. 

  
  


He lists his ideas on reforming the Chuunin exams: that in the future, the other villages they are allied with should come to their village to take them in goodwill. This will, hopefully, foster peace and encourage trading of services. 

He also remedies the system and the ranks of shinobi, where each mission has to be strictly assigned to ranks that can handle them, not just because the Hokage deems it appropriate for them.

He even creates new jobs to be filled in so that it can create another system of checks and balances. Like a group of people to do work in the shadows, and another to keep order in their growing village.

These will take time, but he has made elaborate steps that need to be taken so that they will work. Especially, in the long run. He cannot base everything on something as unstable as hope.

  
  


Without a blink, he works, pushing everything aside, especially his feelings. 

  
  


//

  
  


Tobirama has not slept for two days, but he feels _fine_. 

He is on his brother’s back most of the time, supervising his decisions. He knows that his brother can handle himself as the Hokage, but at the moment, he does not trust anybody but himself. He especially does not trust his brother’s emotional capabilities. More than ever, he needs to be the one to guard his brother’s thoughts, now that Madara is really gone and his brother is the one who killed his friend. 

Tobirama is not a fool. He cannot turn a blind eye to Hashirama’s fondness towards Madara anymore, and this makes him pull the leash on his brother a little closer. 

He knows that he is the only one who can do this for his brother. 

Another incident like that cannot happen in the future. The village cannot afford it. 

  
  


He rarely talks to his brother about personal matters these days unless it is about policies or some small issue from the clans. He just wants to avoid a fight, but sometimes, it is unavoidable and the Hokage office is thrown into chaos from their tempers. Tobirama can definitely do better to control the situation, but he also cannot help getting the last word in. Probably because he lacks sleep and everything around him makes him more cranky than normal. 

  
  


Hashirama turns his chair towards the Hokage mountain, where his carved face stands, alone and cold. Behind him, Tobirama is shuffling papers. 

The silence is deafening, but there is nothing they could do about it. 

  
  


“This office needs more windows,” Tobirama comments off-handedly. “To get some air and light in.” 

Hashirama nods, and he catches his brother’s reflection on the window. 

  
  


"Is that all?” Hashirama coldly asks. 

“I’m assigning some people to follow you as your personal guards. You can go anywhere you want, but they report to me.” Tobirama leaves it at that and he hurries out, not giving his brother a chance to reply. 

  
  


//

  
  


Stepping into his estranged new home, Tobirama did not expect you to be there, and already getting the household ready to be inhabited. You are moving things around by yourself, and pausing to catch your breath. While the physicians have said that your recovery went well, they recommended that you do not partake in strenuous physical activities. 

“You do know that we will have servants, right?” Tobirama says, and you start, almost dropping the vase you are holding. “They will come next week after I evaluate them.”

You whirl around and you glare at your husband incredulously. “There’s my husband, who by the way, had to be there to check me out from the hospital. Oh wait, I haven’t even seen him in two days!”

  
  


Tobirama blinks, too tired to retort. There are many instances where you do not make it clear whether you’re picking fun or just plain upset at him. 

“I had hoped my students convinced you to stay longer,” Tobirama begins in a monotone voice. 

“Why? So you can avoid me some more?” You raise an eyebrow and set down the vase. 

  
  


Tobirama carefully watches you as you walk towards him. Your eyes search his face, noting the bags under his eyes and your expression softens. 

  
  


“You have not slept,” you comment and Tobirama is mildly surprised. He had hoped to hide it from you. 

“I had much to do,” Tobirama concludes.

  
  


“Since when did you not have _much_ to do?” You try to joke, but the air feels to heavy to lift. You, of all people, understand what is at stake. 

Slowly, you slip your arms around his waist, and lean your head on his chest. Tobirama stiffens slightly–ever his daub self–but little by little, he melts into you with a sigh. 

“How can I help?” You murmur. 

“I don’t think you can,” Tobirama answers, his voice a soothing hum from your ear pressed against his chest. 

“Sure, I can,” you push a little. You are determined to insert yourself in his ambitions, because it will be easier to share his life with yours. “At least let me be the one to meet the servants.” 

  
  


Tobirama is overwhelmed at your willingness to help. A part of him wants to say yes, but he also has his own resolve. 

  
  


“No, it is alright,” Tobirama rejects your offer, and he gently pushes you off. 

“Will you at least tell me what you’re doing?” You hate to bother him, especially when he is tired, but you also hate to watch him immerse himself into his familiar madness without doing anything to help him. 

  
  


Tobirama gives you a strict look of _not now_ , and he heads upstairs to his ruined study. 

  
  


You press a hand to your forehead to cool off, and you remind yourself that you hallucinated that version of Madara in your dreams. It was not a genjutsu, but it sticks to you like one, in a way that it grips every space of your mind when you are not occupied. 

You bite your lower lip, and you will away your fears. 

  
  


He said that even if Tobirama does the right thing, and he will do what is expected of him, he will still fall. 

You cannot stop Tobirama from being the person that everybody needs, and he will be, more than ever. Probably more than you feel to need him because he cannot just be _nothing_. Everybody dies, and you have made your peace with that, but you know that Tobirama’s death cannot be in vain. You have to be there to make sure that he will stay strong. 

So you just have to stop loving him more than you have to so that you can let him be who he has to be. For your shared vision for Konohagakure. For the future.

You don’t even know where to start. 

  
  


//

  
  


Thunder bellows from outside the window, and the rain splashing against your window wakes you. Lighting darts across the dark sky, and you roll to your back, and reach for Tobirama. The side of his bed is cold, and you stare at the dark ceiling, listening to any signs of life in the house. 

You are completely alone. 

  
  


You close your eyes, but a feeling nags at you. 

  
  


You jump out of bed and wrap your yukata tightly around your body, and throw on a haori hanging by the changing corner. It is bigger on you, and you realize that it has Tobirama’s distinct sandalwood smell on it. You pause and you run your hands down on it, and then you hurry downstairs. 

You slide the doors open, but only the rain greets you. Tobirama is nowhere to be found. 

  
  


Searching frantically for an umbrella, you ransack your own home until finally, you feel it in the dark. Like a fool, you run out into the rain, not wasting another second. 

The streets of Konoha at this hour are empty, and the rain makes everything cold and blue. The shadows play at you, taunting and beckoning, and the most of the street lights are doused from the heavy rain. Tobirama could be anywhere, and you are out here, running around with an unused umbrella, completely soaked. Your hair splats on your face, your neck, and water seeps in your mouth everytime you call for Tobirama. 

The rain runs down your eyes, occasionally blurring your eyesight, and the wind blows, haunting and inimical, making you shiver. Maybe it is tears hindering you from seeing properly. 

_Damn, damn, damn_ , you curse in your mind. “Damn it, all!” You shout, but you quickly quell your voice, lest you wake the whole damn neighborhood. 

  
  


_Damn you, Madara_ , you continue to curse. 

  
  


You circle the compound, and finally you find Tobirama’s lone figure walking ahead of you. His shoulders are slumped, a contrast to his usual upright demeanor. He looks defeated, and the darkness of the night covers him like a cape. The sight breaks your heart, and all thoughts of barring your love go down the drain. Maybe you are being selfish, but he is your husband. You promised more than to be his wife. You are his companion in life. He is not just his brother’s keeper, or his students’ teacher. He is not just a future leader. 

  
  


You catch up to him, and you curse again, only now noticing that you are bare-feet as your feet slaps against the ground and splashes against the water, and really, it is so idiotic and worthy of getting teased by your husband, but you really did not care at this moment. Your instincts tell you to go to him, and to cover him, even for a few seconds. 

You open the umbrella on his head, and the rain stops falling on him. You tremble from the cold, and from the pouring rain, but for a moment, he is safe, and this is something you can do for him. You can shield him like this. 

  
  


Tobirama halts, and he straightens his head, realizing that no rain is falling on him. He looks up to see an umbrella on his head, and his heart sighs like a strung, mellow chord. He does not cry, but the rain makes up for it. The torrent releases his burdens and rolls off of his shoulders, and when he has carried enough, you are there. All his life, he is always the one looking out for everyone. He gives his service to anyone who will need it, but no one has ever covered him from the rain. No one has taken care of his heart like you have done. 

No one has taken the time to search for him and trudge through unfavorable paths to get to him. He expects to be the one to fight like that, but he forgets that you are also strong in your own right, and you have such grace that he cannot comprehend. All his life, no one has been this gentle and loving towards him, no questions asked. He knows that you deserve better. 

And yet, here you are. 

  
  


Tobirama turns, and his eyes widen a fraction at the sight of you. You look like a ghost, and he almost laughs because your hair is splayed down like a wet cat, and you are wearing his dark blue overcoat. 

He expects to find you fuming in vexation, but your gaze is tender and it is hard to meet them. 

  
  


Tobirama marvels at you, but then he remembers that it is raining, so he takes you by the arm and pulls you closer and under the umbrella that you held over his head. 

  
  


“It is late,” Tobirama states. His eyes flit down to your face, where a few raindrops flow down your cheek.

“Thank you for informing me, I forgot where our clocks were,” you reply, feeling your teeth chatter a little. 

  
  


Tobirama’s eyes go over your forehead, and then he hears your teeth chatter. 

  
  


“Let us go home,” Tobirama finally pronounces. His heart feels lighter, now that you are here, but there the current problems do not go away that easily. “I have something to tell you.” 

  
  


You note the seriousness in his last sentence, but you can tell that Tobirama is radiating warmth, and you press your shoulder a little closer to his vicinity. You glance at his side profile and note the minuscule smile on his lips, and when he notices you staring, he gives you a questioning look. 

You let out a little laugh, content to walk beside his footsteps. You cast your worries away, and whatever may come, you two will have each other, despite the difficulties. 

_‘Till death do us part_ , you vow, once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAYYYY FINALLY THE SCENE I WANTED TO WRITE SINCE FOREVERRRRRRR - THE RAIN SCENE OH GODSSSSS 
> 
> I cannot tell you how I love the rain scene. Lol. I even sketched it (kinda failed) and before writing this whole thing, I had it pictured in my mind exactly. Obviously, the rain means a lot of things. But the UMBRELLAAA FSLJHFJLGHSJGHSLJG
> 
> Thank you for readingggg <3
> 
> Kudos and comments are appreciated. 
> 
> Tumblr: @animastatic


	7. Make Him King

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw // VERY slight knife play?????  
> listen to two weeks by fka twigs when you get to that part XD

While you dry yourself, Tobirama prepares hot tea and sets up the fireplace just outside the living room to keep the heat going. You settle yourself on Tobirama’s makeshift study in the living room, and study the ledgers he presented to you, and his upcoming plans that the village is gradually adapting. You sip at the hot tea, and thank Tobirama when he puts a thicker blanket on your shoulders and the two of you spend this late hour in silence, going over the papers that Tobirama arranged on the table. 

“Tobirama, this is all well and good–amazing–really,” you praise him for his plans–they are more than what you can imagine. Tobirama has such an intelligent mind, and each time, he never fails to surprise you. “But, some of these take years and a _lot_ of money to apply.” 

  
  


“I know,” Tobirama drones on. 

“I do not know if the village will hold,” you say, trying to find the right words to express what is on your mind. “Appearance-wise, we are quite strong, but these...are incriminating evidence. Someone is always out there, looking for an in, a weakness, and technically, this is tyranny.” 

Tobirama nods stoically, and his eyes darken. 

“If someone usurps your brother’s place unexpectedly,” you begin, but Tobirama finishes your sentence. 

“Then Konoha is doomed,” he concludes and he meets your eyes. You see sorrow and determination in them, his preparation to do the worst to do good.

“Everything you have worked for, have fought for, will fall apart,” you affirm. “It is one thing to build these walls and these incredible infrastructures...but we are dust without labor and money and you know this already.” 

You glance at your husband, wondering why you have to lay out his thoughts for him.

Tobirama stands up and he starts to pace. 

  
  


“Tobirama, you know what to do,” you aver, and you set down the book you are holding. You watch the way his jaw tenses. “What are you waiting for?” 

Tobirama continues to pace, and you can clearly see the wheels turning in his head. “He will never forgive me for this.” 

You press your lips together, and you let out a heavy sigh. “Does this count as a coup?” 

“What?” Tobirama snaps, his eyes getting fiery by the second. “Of course not. We can get a council together and vote. We’re not killing anyone.” 

  
  


You sigh in relief. “Well, good. You know you won’t stand a chance against your brother.”

“I am glad to know that you have such unwavering faith in me,” Tobirama sneers. 

“Okay, okay, calm down,” you try to pacify him. 

“Stop joking around,” Tobirama commands. 

  
  


You gesture at him to keep going. You begin to fill your cup with tea again, but Tobirama takes the teapot and pours it himself. 

  
  


“I froze the village funds temporarily so that I can give back what was taken,” Tobirama says. “But it will not last.” 

“My students are still in my family’s land,” you begin slowly. “I can write a letter and ask for some money to be delivered, if that can help.” 

Tobirama nods, and he sighs in relief. “That will help. The other daimyos are still hesitant to loan money, and well, we cannot let the word spread too far.” 

  
  


“The daimyos love their money.” You sigh, and see Tobirama crack a small smirk. 

“Now, obviously, this is a temporary solution,” you facilitate the conversation. “What are you going to do now? These plans...Tobirama, they require proper management and judgement, and from what you have told me, your brother is not up for this.” 

Tobirama’s forehead knits in frustration. 

“It is not betrayal,” you reassure him. “He will learn to forgive you with time.”

“I will give him one more chance to get it together,” Tobirama asserts, but the both of you know well how things are going to go. 

  
  


You finally release a breath you have been holding. Things are happening too fast, and too soon. You are not ready to give up your husband for the village, but he is someone who never steps away from responsibility. Not when he has the means to make everything right. You wonder if you are encouraging another storm.

  
  


//

  
  


Tobirama leaves before lunch, leaving you alone in a messy house that for some reason refuses to make itself habitable. Despite your efforts of moving your stuff in, it still feels empty. For now, you just try to clean what you can without being too exhausted, and you peek into Tobirama’s study, trying to decide if you should touch anything and risk his lecturing about how particular he is about his things. 

  
  


You leave it alone for now, and you decide to wander around the house. You observe the garden, and the small pond in the corner, walk on the cobbled stone paths that seem to wind all over the place. The house seems very traditional compared to the small apartment that you used to stay in, that this transition to a bigger house makes you feel so little and vulnerable. You want to fill it up with something, but then you do not want anything unconventional in the house and alienate yourself from it. No, you want something inviting, and warm, a foundation to build a life on. 

You are not much of a gardener, since you have spent more time holding weapons rather than flowers, but you decide to try your hand on it so that you can fill your time and occupy your mind. You go around the village, looking for simple decorations, and new curtains and bedsheets, seeds of flowers you want to try and raise, and you focus on your self-made tasks. 

  
  


While going around the market to shop for dinner ingredients, you spot Hiruzen talking to a lady with light brown hair, who seems to be looking at him, unimpressed, but you can spot the softness around her eyes. You decide to stick around, pretending to mind your own business, to observe what’s up, and when the lady leaves, you decide to approach Hiruzen, whose ears are slightly blushing from the encounter. 

  
  


“Hm, who was that?” You ask casually.

Tobirama’s favorite student starts, and he turns to you, like you caught him red-handed. 

You raise an eyebrow, and Hiruzen shakes his head, finding no reason to keep this a secret from you. 

  
  


“Her name is Biwako, she’s studying to be a medical-nin,” Hiruzen clears his throat. He relieves some of the stuff you are carrying. “How are you and Tobirama-sensei?” 

You shrug, and you give Hiruzen a playful smile. “But I want to talk about you and Biwako.”

“Sensei,” Hiruzen protests. 

“Fine, fine,” you chuckle. 

  
  


Hiruzen seems to have grown older, it’s hard to believe that they were just pre-teens when you first met them. Now, he is even getting ready to date and it makes you almost nostalgic. 

As you two near your home, Hirzuen’s face changes to a more serious one. He seems to be stringing the correct sentences to say. His forehead knits, and lips purse, and you sigh. 

“Yes?” 

“Tobirama-sensei met with my father and the other clan leaders,” Hiruzen starts. “Is something...wrong?” 

You stare ahead as you walk, trying to think about how to go about this. 

  
  


“Your sensei will not penalize you for deducing on your own,” you tell him. “For now…” 

  
  


You stop short from the gate of your house, sensing a presence in it. 

“I will take it from here, okay?” You send Hiruzen a reassuring smile, and take your stuff back from him. “I will see you soon.” 

  
  


Hiruzen’s puzzled look does not get better, but he does as you say and leaves. You enter your home and find your sister-in-law waiting for you by the engawa. You look around, trying to see if she brought her sons with her or her personal maids, but she is alone. 

You set the rest of your things on the porch and you gesture inside to let her in. 

Your heart thuds against your throat. Mito looks refined and elegant as always, and this is emphasized by the fact that the current state of your house is in disarray. You almost feel ashamed, but you note that the air she weaves around you is serious. You are not really sure how to act around her yet, but you remember her kindness towards you before your wedding. 

  
  


“I won’t be long,” Mito suddenly says. 

You nod and avert your eyes as a sign of respect. 

  
  


“I know that someday your husband will be Hokage,” Mito folds her hands in front of her. “I did not imagine that it will come so soon, and in this way.” 

“Tobirama is only trying to help,” you say evenly, but even to you, it sounds lacking and unconvincing.

“Save your words,” Mito cuts sharply. “I will talk to my husband to step down willingly, if it comes to it.”

  
  


You look down at the floor. You hear her move towards the door. 

“I hope that this does not cause a rift between us,” Mito suddenly says. “I do not hope to alienate you. I think we could be friends, if you choose to act on behalf of friendship. This is my hand being extended to you.” 

  
  


You hold your breath until she leaves, and you let it out, feeling the need to sit down. This is why you hated your husband’s politics. It suffocates and it hurts others even if you do not mean to. You wonder how Tobirama does it. He probably finds it fun despite the stress that it brings him. 

You forget any thoughts of gardening for today and you search for your swords. 

  
  


// 

  
  


You twist the katana in your hand, slowly forcing the other half of your body to get back to working condition. It is not as flexible as before, but the pain is completely gone, and not even a visible scar is left. Focusing your energy at the point of the blade, you go forward and wind it back to strike at the air. Then, quickly keeping the sword in a straight line, you stab at the air, and your body fluidly follows to flip forward. You let your thoughts pass through you and you deliver them out, like an act of contrition.

You flip your sword again, your wrist twisting to wind behind your arm behind you back, and you rest your blade on your shoulder blade. 

Taking a deep breath, you wait for your heartbeat to steady itself. Sweat drops from your temple, from your neck to your chest, and the cool late afternoon that sweeps by immediately provides relief. 

You feel Tobirama’s presence come up from behind, and you whirl around, unwinding your arm from your back, and you point your sword towards him. 

Tobirama regards you, his face easing to a more smug expression. 

You use the flat tip of the katana to tip his chin upwards, and Tobirama’s eyes narrow, anticipating your next move. 

An inexplicable hunger tears through your body, and you bring your sword down to his chest, tracing lightly at the lines, until the stop short on his collar. The warm afternoon changes, and suddenly, your skin is humming and it flushes heat. You watch as Tobirama visibly swallows, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down. You undo his clothes by cutting the front of his yukata open, revealing his naked and defined torso. 

  
  


Biting your lower lip, you lightly press the sharp edge of your blade to the center of his abdomen, drawing blood, and the sight almost makes you light-headed. You do not know what has gotten into you, but it makes you want to drink in Tobirama and get your fill. 

  
  


“Everything is arranged,” Tobirama states, and he knocks the blade aside with his palm, catching you off-guard and seizing the moment to his direction. Then, he grabs the blunt edge of the blade and uses it to pull you closer to him. 

  
  


Your mouth latches itself to his mouth and you devour him, licking the neck muscle that juts out when he flexes his jaw, and you travel further down, to the base of his chest and suck the blood that you drew out. Your free hand grabs at one of Tobirama’s arms to placate him and prevent him from touching you, and you look up coyly, meeting his fierce eyes. Then, you take the blade to his neck, and regard him from a distance. 

In this moment and in another Senju household, Mito is talking to Hashirama and she is trying to steal him back from the claws of the demons that live in the shadows of every contrived reality. 

And you are getting ready to throw your own husband into the fire. 

“And if it doesn’t work?” You ask, and you meet his eyes levelly. 

  
  


Tobirama finally gives the words life. “I will take up the mantle.” 

  
  


You lower your sword, your emotions and the pride you feel for him clashing against each other. 

  
  


“I haven’t had you for long,” you murmur. 

Tobirama stands there, unsure of what to make of your comment. “Preposterous,” he snaps. “I’m not dying.” 

You raise an eyebrow. 

  
  


“You understand the responsibilities it demands of me,” Tobirama explains as if you already don’t know. 

Gods, you have spent so much time fearing for him over it. 

“Shut up,” you whisper. 

  
  


You plant your sword to the ground, and you go to him and you capture his lips into yours. Tobirama’s hands immediately come to your waist, and he returns your kiss with the same fervor. You take his face into your hands, and you relay to him your heart. You open yourself more and more to him, and maybe it is reckless. Maybe you will lose everything, but nothing is set in stone. 

  
  


Tobirama presses your body against his aggressively, and he carries you in a swift movement, and lays you down on your back on the engawa. He violently pulls apart your clothing, and rips it off you. His mouth ravishes your neck, the dips of your collarbone. His hands fondle your breasts, and kneads your waist, and you writhe under him, his every touch making you more euphoric by the second. You close your eyes, and you arch your body towards him, yearning for him to take you. 

You gasp out your want, and he presses a soothing kiss on your collarbone. You hear his breathing, loud and overwhelmed, and then, he fucks you senseless on the wraparound porch of your house. You stifle your screams, as they sound almost guttural, but Tobirama takes your wrists and pins them above your head as he grinds into you at a rapacious pace. He leans over, and kisses you on the lips, insistent and tender, and you let him in, closer, and even closer. 

Your eyes snap open as Tobirama ruts against you, and your hips and your legs shake from pure ecstasy. You see Tobirama’s eyes, and you feel his desperation and the fight that he has yet to continue inside his mind. 

You bite Tobirama’s shoulder as you come, and Tobirama fucks you through it, his hips snapping wildly, and you feel him unravel inside you with a growl and you keen, tears involuntary flowing out from your eyes. 

  
  


You gasp, as your high continues to make your body spasm–every touch sends jolts of pleasure that wipes your mind white. Tobirama leans over you to cover your body with his, not yet pulling out. He plants light kisses on your temple, your cheekbone and your ear, and he whispers your name, and three words that he always saves for you. 

Tobirama has only said it once before, but he has said it to you more than anyone has.

  
  


Your fingers come up to brush his cheek, and you hold him closer, showing him that you heard him. You feel his fingers clutch your hair, and then he slides his hand under the back of your head. 

He meets your eyes and you remember him like this, all soft and broken open for you. This is the Tobirama that you have always seen beneath his many and complicated layers. It took a while to pry them apart. You want to hope for the best, but maybe Tobirama’s pragmatism is rubbing off on you. You know that it is simply time. 

  
  


You crack a tired smile. “You say the worst things.” 

The surroundings are dark now, but you can make out the amused expression on his face. “I did say it first.” 

  
  


You chuckle, and Tobirama hooks your legs around his waist, and then picks you up by sliding his arms around your back to carry you into the house.

  
  


//

  
  


The council is gathered in a closed off room somewhere undisclosed in the village. This is a meeting about Konoha’s village funds, and a scare tactic to make Hashirama get his act together. The council filled with the clan leaders are eyeing each other, sensing the tension between the two Senju brothers. 

Tobirama jots down anything that may be of importance, and when the meeting is adjourned, Hashirama abruptly stands up before anyone else could move. 

“Alright, what is this?” Hashirama finally demands. 

“Brother,” Tobirama interrupts. “Do you not mind?” 

Hashirama seems to have grown his claws around his brother. “I do not like what this council insinuates.” 

  
  


The days of fighting are finally weighing on the two of them. 

Tobirama watches his brother carefully, and he looks down on the paper, unable to read his writing. Technically, they cannot really abdicate him without the presence of the fire daimyo, so he does not know what Hashirama is talking about. This was only supposed to get the village on his back. 

  
  


“Fine,” Hashirama snaps. “I quit. You be the Hokage then.”

  
  


The room erupts into chaos, and Tobirama stares at his elder brother, aghast. Hashirama storms out of the room, and Tobirama glances at the council, for once, unsure of what to say. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. 

Tobirama chases after his brother, and they stop moving once they make it outside. 

“Elder brother, I beseech you to take back your words,” Tobirama almost sounds pleading. “The village still needs you.” 

“I single-handedly almost destroyed what we built,” Hashirama almost shouts as he whirls around. “You know well that you are the only one who is capable of leading it, of making the harder decisions I could not make.” 

  
  


Tobirama crosses his arms, and he falls silent. The air grows thick with their auras, but it is not to fight with each other. 

“I do not want to lose anyone else,” Hashirama confesses brokenly. “This village means nothing if…”

  
  


Tobirama angrily says, “If Madara is not here? After all this time, you forgive him?” 

“You and your paranoia towards the Uchiha!” Hashirama shouts back. “He was a member of this village and you actively opposed him!” 

“I did what I had to do!” Tobirama snaps steely. “For you! For this village!” 

“Keep telling yourself that!” 

  
  


Tobirama shuts his mouth, and he backs off. 

A breeze passes by, carrying the sound of rustling leaves. 

  
  


Tobirama lets out a shaky breath. “Brother, please.” 

Hashirama turns to walk away, and Tobirama clenches his fists. 

  
  


“I need you to be with me on this,” Tobirama begs. 

Hashirama stops. “You never needed anybody in your life, Tobirama. That’s why our late father left you to your own devices. You do well on your own."

“Elder brother,” Tobirama protests.

  
  


Hashirama turns his head to regard his younger brother. “I will always be there for you. You are my family, but you must remember to thank your wife. _I_ did not give you this seat.”

Tobirama’s eyes narrow, and he grits his teeth. 

“She gave you that seat, and now, she will suffer because of you.” Hashirama walks away, leaving a stunned Tobirama. 

  
  


He watches his brother’s figure disappear in the distance, and an impossible weight places itself on his shoulders. He looks to the sky, but it does not grant any reprieve, after all, he did set the motion for these series of events, along with his wife. He only has his ways, and his undying loyalty to his brother and his family. There is no time for him to consider himself. 

  
This is the way he has made it, but for the first time, he does not know the right from wrong below the picture perfect goal of peace, and their village. There is him, in the middle of it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, somewhere in this series, i did say that Hashirama stepped down as Hokage because of his depression, his self-destructing way of gambling and maybe alcholism. I did not accept the fact that Hashirama's death was GLOSSED OVER, so I am slowly making preparations of how to go about it. Depression is serious, and it affects not only you, but the people around you. I hope I did it justice implying it here because you know this is the ninja world, there is no such thing as mental health to them apparently. I also did put in like little easter eggs that most of these characters here suffer a form of ptsd, exacerbated by the situations they are put in, but I will leave it to you to draw conclusions. Maybe it isn't enough, but the lack of evidence can sometimes be telling.
> 
> the Senju brothers will make up, they are siblings after all, and they have a really strong bond. these are just tough times.
> 
> anyways, get ready for the last chapter LOLLLLS 
> 
> thank you for reading <3
> 
> kudos and comments are much appreciated ! ^~^


	8. Epilogue: The World as He Made It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gods...this chapter. it's just Tobirama. and his usual madness. I like to write him like this, kinda unhinged, barely keeping it together, but no one can tell. he is alone in this kind of plight.
> 
> cw // grave digging ???

Tobirama’s inauguration is almost without ceremony. The sky is downcast, a sign of an impending storm, and just as Tobirama raised the Hokage hat from his head, the villagers immediately scattered to take shelter from the pouring rain. The transition was made quick and without preamble, and with that, everybody began to attend to their designated duties in the village. Tobirama watches the people from the Hokage mansion’s rooftop, and this time, he is alone under the rain. 

Many nations will hear of the new Hokage, and some may try their luck to find weakness in the village. His eyes go to the place where the Uchiha clan resides, and his blood goes cold. He needs them to value the village above all–he cannot have any dissenters. Not when everything is so fragile, like a taut string pulled to its limit. He needs them to participate and to stop being so exclusive to outsiders. His brother has told him to stop being so strictly vigilant towards them, but he cannot help it. It is like he is expecting another Uchiha Madara to rise up any moment.

He uses his fears to turn them into logic and to come up with several plans, some of them already put into motion. Like the ANBU, his eyes and ears to the lands beyond Konoha, and to people he deems to be watched inside the village. Besides, a man cannot survive if he does not fear anything. 

Even now, his mind runs through different methods and solutions, and he makes a mental note to jot them down later and to test some of them out. 

  
  


He stays there a little longer, and he raises his face to the sky. He throws up his walls, because he does not know any other way. 

He is aware of his wife watching him from behind, but he knows that something about him has shifted, and she cannot come forward to stand beside him. He is aware of the fears that sit in her heart, but the best way he knows how to solve them is to focus on strengthening the village and have several fallbacks, so she will be safe and protected. So that everyone that he watches over will grow up in a world where they can be shinobis with more knowledge than just the battlefield. That was what his brother wanted, and he will do anything to make sure that his brother’s wishes come true, and that the village will prosper and it will last to serve generations of great shinobis. 

This is the world that Hashirama wanted. And this is the way he has made it.

Underneath the gilded perfect picture, there is him, and his notes and his books and his plans. In the middle of the storm that he had contrived, there is him, and his ideas and his cold hard facts. 

Finally, he turns away and he sees you waiting for him and also letting the rain fall on you. 

  
  


He wants to walk up to you and take your face into his hands, to reassure you, but there is no reassurance, because that means that he is getting ahead of himself. He hopes that you know this, and he hopes that you will still keep your capability to understand him, no matter what. He cannot avoid having to hope, for he is only human, and he is not a god, even if he does play the role at times.

  
  


//

  
  


Tobirama took Madara’s eyes secretly after the battle with his brother and preserved them. Now, he scrutinizes it, dissects it into layers so that he can figure out how the Uchiha’s visual prowesses work. He writes down his observations, and writes down his theories. 

He surrounds himself with glass flasks and chemicals, more mad handwriting and strewn papers on the table and the floor, and after he puts Madara’s eyes in a container that will preserve it for later studies, he is struck with inspiration. 

To him, it is rather genius, he thinks. 

  
  


He is always surrounded by death, and in the future he would like to prevent any more casualties. It strikes him: what if the strongest shinobis who have died can be revived? What if they can still regenerate after being struck? He can have a whole army of them, unstoppable, unbreakable. There may be no need for sacrifices. 

He scribbles on his journals, explaining his thought processes. He will need to start somewhere–maybe he can get a few references from the Uzumaki clan to study and derive his own conclusions. He is not sure if it will be possible, but he has invented other jutsus before, and this one can be boiled into just...that. However, he knows that he is bringing something new into life. Something so impossible, and probably for people like his elder brother, immoral. 

But Tobirama was never one to strictly stick to morals when it comes to the greater good, and this. _This_ . This can be something good. _This_ will help and benefit the village.

  
  


He does not when he begins, and he only remembers stopping because daybreak stifles his thoughts and it filters through the small windows of his lab. 

He does his best to tidy up, but he really did not want to stop. 

There is so _much_ more to do. There is just so much. 

Time is not enough, and he needs more time. 

  
  


He attends to his Hokage duties as normal, finding it hard to take a break or rest. Then at night, he goes to the graveyard where unknown fallen shinobis are buried and he unburies them. Painstakingly, he brings them back to his lab, and does his best to not disturb them too much, just in case he needs a part of them. Hopefully, there are some surviving organs in them that he can work on. He needs to be able to isolate their DNA for later purposes. 

To him, these are just bodies. They are dead already. 

  
  


He notes that everything feels a little heightened. His skin itches like there are bugs crawling over him, his mind is racing and his hands are shaking, but he waits until the tremors are gone and he begins his work. For the village. For his brother. For you. 

There is no going back. He will soldier on in these treacherous shadows to carve a path of light–to show the Will of Fire and make sure that it burns longer, and that it burns bright. 

He witnesses another daybreak without sleep, and finally, he comes up with the name, or at least, what he wants to call it. 

  
  


_Edo Tensei_. 

  
  
  


END

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk why everything i write has a lot of dark undertones,, but here we are. maybe i have been watching too much historical dramas and observing anti-heroes. but they sure did influence my view on how to write this HHAHAHA or maybe i just want to drive in a message and paint my own perspective and my own picture, my interpretation, etc. i know well that im not quite sticking to canon, but instead, i'm spreading events throughout like a span of about ten years. i think. timeline is still quite a mess, BUT we're going to diiiiiiiive innn. *i sung that part*
> 
> also i feel like there's too much smut in this SHDFALJFH but that's what i get for writing fics while drinking me some wineee; irrelevant
> 
> thank you for reading <3 kudos and comments are much appreciated. 
> 
> to be continued on "try again; in every day we breathe life"
> 
> find me on tumblr: @animastatic

**Author's Note:**

> ik i said somwhere in my tumblr i would write their first meeting but this whole part of the series just would not leave my mind and I AM SO EXCITED TO WRITE THIS PARTICULAR SCENE THAT HAPPENS LATER ON EYE----
> 
> pls let me know what you think heheee...
> 
> whoever is reading this you're officially a tobirama hoe good luck bye


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